RE: Contest | 25-Word Comment - Monkey Business | Complaints
I think I'm wrong, because of this very topic of “about complaining.” I've always been a complainer. I've always had to complain. I can't be quiet without complaining.
I don't want to complain so much, but when I was little I went through so many inhibitions. I could never complain because I would get a spanking from my father.
My mother would bring him the complaint about me, how bad I was behaving and my dad would proceed to beat me up. It was a constant cycle. Come to think of it, my mother was to blame for me getting beaten so much. She always complained to my father and he would hit me, hit me and hit me.
I spent all my childhood years being repressed because if I complained about the mistreatment I would get a beating. That's how I grew up.
When I grew up, I promised myself that I would no longer hold anything back. I started complaining about everything and I got better at complaining. To the point that I got tired of complaining so much. That's in my personality, I can't get it out of me anymore, although sometimes I try not to complain and to say things in a tone that doesn't sound like complaining. In the end in my mind, it is still a complaint.
I think it is good to complain in some way to have peace of mind, but not to take it as a way of life.
I have learned to keep quiet sometimes, say nothing, and turn the page. So I can feel better and not complain so much.
Before jumping to anything you mentioned in your comment. I have to say that it takes courage to say something personal or reflect on something that you feel strongly about.
Now, I guess we need to start with putting intention into perspective. Sometimes we try to do things and we end up not doing them in the best way possible. That could be for many reasons, it could be because of the society or our previous experience.
Moving to the part where you spoke about your experience. I think there are 2 questions to be asked here. What did I learn from this? And where am I headed from this point?
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What I have just told you is part of my childhood life, of my adolescence. It is something personal but I learned that saying it or writing it was good therapy. I wish 40 years ago I had known about these platforms that encourage us to write about our lives.
I am not ashamed to point out ways of life that I maintained and endured because I chose to. I would have preferred to have grown up in another environment, but that's the way it was, that's the way I lived and learned to live my life.
I am talking about something that happened to me more than 40 years ago. I studied and as I got to know other groups of families I acquired life experiences. I graduated twice in health professions. This helped me to channel my repressed feelings of resentment.
Today, I have a 24 year old son, we are friends. He knows these sad stories. And he also knows that they are part of my past, they are in my mind and I no longer have hatred and resentment.
The complaining helped me to get out my frustrations and to say from the first moment what made me feel bad.
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Well, I can tell that this is an old experience. But, there is something that comes along with experience and memory. It never fades away! We are always living with our past experiences, remembering them. It is good when we find a way to cope and move forward. Just like what you have explained.
There are lessons in life which are really tough and gets a mark on us. But, we still find a way to live with it. But, don't ask me how?..
Have a nice week..
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Are they your real parents?
The role of a father is to be angry and harsh. He may scare his children, but when children become mentally disturbed, parents should be flexible in their behavior.
I really wish that parents should live in a friendly environment with their children so that children do not have to go to a stranger to solve their problems, but rather see their parents as their friend, teacher, and benefactor, who has a solution to every problem they have.
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Yes, they were my biological parents. The truth is that they were also educated in the same way with a lot of punishment and severity.
I never had my parents as friends, at least not my father. After I grew up, I did have my mother as a friend. Then that was part of my past. The truth is that I learned to complain about everything and everyone.
It seems impossible to abandon or go against the environment and lifestyle to which a person is accustomed since childhood.
Time is the greatest healer. With the passage of time, countless changes occur in a person.
And it is also a fact that a person can never walk on a straight path.
Every person has different priorities, which he keeps changing according to time and circumstances.
I hope you will not follow in your parents' footsteps but will become a friend to your children and provide them with a good environment.
Many prayers for you.
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Thank you for these prayers. I am an old woman now. I had one child who is now 24 years old. We are friends, even though they say there is no friendship between parents and children, I can assure you we are friends.
He tells me everything that happens to him and I tell him the same. Our relationship is based on communication. He knows everything I went through with my parents and he knows that there is forgiveness in my heart. I don't live with hatred or resentment, I just learned to live under the complaint. My son has his style and did not learn to complain like me, and I thank God for that.
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I am very happy to know this and Ma Sha Allah your son is very intelligent.
I also have a son who is about to turn 3 years old. I also want to be a friend to my son. Because the bond of friendship is very precious.
You can write a story in which you describe the moments you spent with your son. You are an ideal mother. Tell the world, so that the bonding between parents and children can be strong.
And such good events are beneficial for all of us.
Have a nice day.
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Thank you very much for your words. I hope you have a happy life with your son. May you two can be good friends.
I have written a lot on that subject of mother and son friendship, and will continue to do so.
Have a happy day.
یہ انسانی فطرت ہے کہ انسان اپنی زندگی میں یا اپنے بچپن میں جو بھگت چکاتا ہے وہ اپنے بچوں کے اوپر نہیں گزارتا اور اس کی کوشش ہے ہوتی ہے کہ اپنے بچوں کو ایسا ماحول بالکل بھی نہ پیش کر سکے جیسا وہ خود برداشت کرتا ایا ہے خاص طور سے ایسی چیزیں جو اس کو ناپسند رہ چکی ہیں
I think quite the opposite of what you say. Many parents can only give from what they received because they did not learn anything else.
I have a son, I was also somewhat harsh in character with him, but not to the same extent as I was treated. But I did hold my frustrations for many years until complaining helped me to get out of so much resentment.
It helped me a lot that I read a lot, studied a lot, assimilated that we take our frustrations out on others and that should never be so. My son and I are good friends, thank God.
There are some experiences in life which do not only teach us to do somethings in certain way. But, it teaches us every single detail of it. Not because of, how harsh or hard that experience is. But, because of how much we had deep feelings about it at the time.
God bless,
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That is what experiences are for, to teach us. But bad experiences also teach us and it is up to us to know how to filter the good ones in the bad ones, to be able to live better and healthier.
یہ ہمارے معاشرے کا المیہ ہے کہ ماں باپ اپنے پریشانی میں بچوں کو ضرور گھسیٹ لیتے ہیں وہ اس طرح کے اپنا غصہ اپنے بچوں پر ہی اتار دیتے ہیں اکثر اوقات ماں باپ کا غصہ صرف اس وجہ سے بچوں پر اترتا ہے کہ وہ ایک دوسرے کی خیالات سے ہم اہنگ نہیں ہوتے
At this point in my life I don't think they did such a bad thing to me, I just couldn't understand their aggressive behavior. Now I know that they had a lot of resentments and I was just part of their venting.
The role of a father is to be angry???? Sorry, but I disagree with you. The role of parents is to love their children, stand up for them and support them. I really find this a terrible thing to say.
Imagine you are a father and your only task is to share the hell out of your children and beat them up.
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No one can love their children more than their parents. But a father's fear prevents children from following the wrong path. I have been afraid of my father all my life, but the reason behind this fear was not that he would beat us.
My father never beat me, he never even lifted a finger. Behind this fear was hidden my love, respect and honor for my father.
Because of this fear and because of my father's strict nature, we could never have a friendly atmosphere.
But in his last days, he had completely changed. We were together like a kind and best friend, and there is no doubt that those were the best moments of my life.
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Oh, I did respond to that same thing. I guess, it sounded the same when I read it. Although, I can say that when I come across things like this online. Normally, the person intended to say something different. But, ended up writing it in a certain way.
But, I agree with..
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میرے خیال میں یہ ان کے اپنے ہی والدین ہوں گے مگر کچھ والدین کو والدین بننے کا ڈھنگ نہیں ا پاتا ان کی اپنی پریشانیاں ان کے بچوں کی سوچ سے اوپر ہوتی ہیں وہ ہما وقت اپنی ہی پریشانیوں میں گھرے رہتے ہیں اور لڑائی کا بہانہ ڈھونڈتے ہیں ایسے وقت میں جب وہ اپنا غصہ ایک دوسرے پہ نہ اتار سکیں تو اس کا شکار بچے ہو جاتے ہیں
I mean come on. I know that is not what you meant literally. But, the words themselves are bad. Or at least it makes one feel bad about himself. LOL..
I guess parents try their level best to help their kids achieve things. They sometimes do things that they are not used to. Just because, they think it is going to be best for their kids.
You know, there is a saying about fathers "He is the only person who wants to see you become better than him".
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I did not mean a cruel father at all. But fathers are definitely strong-willed and as a head of the household, this is right because a strong person makes every effort to ensure the survival of his family and maintains and protects the home and family well.
And along with the father, the role of the mother is also very important. May Allah protect all our parents.
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As I mentioned earlier. I did not think that you meant what you have said. I was saying that the words you have used must have meant something different. But, I guess everyone who read your comment understood it the same way.
Well, the whole family has a crucial role in raising their children.
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I agree that it's good to vent and to say what's eating you. It's unhealthy to hold in what makes one sad or unhappy and by expressing it one also discovers what is wrong and what hopefully can be solved.
Those "good old days" where mothers used fathers to beat the crap out of you which is what my father did.
As a child, I found the most disgusting thing to pretend that I am happy and everything is fine. I decided not to do that no matter what the consequences were. And I did not. The worst thing that can happen is losing oneself.
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When I was a child I was never happy but no one seemed to care. I wanted to have uncles, cousins, grandparents, but none of those things. So I grew up repressed by not being able to talk to family or friends. I felt I had very low esteem.
If I hadn't had the sense to create my financial independence I would never have increased my self-esteem. I only achieved it by studying and learning.
Complaining only helped me to put my conditions to others. I wanted everyone to know the limits to approach me. No one would abuse me with their mistreatment, or hit me with their words.
For me, complaining became my best survival tool.
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اپ کے بچپن کے بارے میں پڑھ کر بہت افسوس ہوا کہ ماں باپ اپنے بچوں کو کیسے اتنا زیادہ مار سکتے ہیں۔ماں باپ تو اپنے اپ تکلیف برداشت کر کے بچوں کو ارام پہنچانے کی کوشش کرتے ہیں کہا کہ ایک دوسرے کی شکایت پر اپنے ہی اولاد کو مارنے کھڑے ہو جائیں
اپ کی شکایت کرنے کی وجہ جائز ہے کیونکہ اپ کا بچپن بہت تکلیف دہ تھا مگر ایک جرنل خیال یہ ہے کہ زیادہ شکایت کرنے والے لوگوں کو پسند نہیں کیا جاتا کہا جاتا ہے کہ ایک چپ سو کو ہرائے لہذا اگر انسان تکلیف کو برداشت کر کے تھوڑی دیر کو چپ رہ لے تو ہو سکتا ہے کہ معاملہ سدھر جائے۔
My parents thought that beatings and beatings solved everything. It was the way they also learned from the parents they had, that is, my grandparents. I never knew them.
I always had a rebellious personality, maybe that's why I received so many beatings, to break me. They succeeded, they got me to shut up, externally, because in my thoughts I was screaming and with a lot of resentment.
It was hard for me to get rid of hatred and resentment.
I think they didn't do it because they were bad as people but because it was what they learned.