Healing the effects of violence: Love is the answer

^Source

I know of the wounded child that lives in you
I know because it lives in me too
It feeds off through the bitter memories
of a father screaming
a mother crying
a school teacher speaking words of hate

It lives through memories
of rape
of punishment
of repression
of forced behaviors
of abandonment
of the vulgar display of power
that makes adults proud and horny

The child lives in the helpless feeling
that it can’t do anything
to prevent abusers
from getting what they want

But here I am
being able to observe
to explore and learn
to grow and heal

I’ve asked the Cosmos to show me the path
and after twisting myself in pain and resistance
I have learned that
With every hug I share, I heal
Every time I forgive, I heal

I heal when I look at the rain and feel grateful
because plants and mushrooms will thrive
because all Life is being nourished
because every drop of water is a miracle

No amount of violence can hurt me
when I stop identifying myself with ego
And recognize my breath
as the guiding force of this existence

I heal when I see you and I are not so far apart
because we exist in this here and now
that you are my mirror as I am yours
that nothing is personal
and everything is collective

In truth,
it seems I will never finish healing
that these wounds will bleed forever
and my scars will always be exposed to the light of day

And yet,
I’m grateful I have the chance to enjoy those moments
when the pain becomes relief
when tension can finally stretch out into infinity

And I'm grateful to know
that if I can heal, you can too

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Before I continue my answer I have to make explicit my personal definition of violence. Violence does not necessarily have to be manifested through physical aggression. To me, any act that seeks to guide someone into obeying a will that is not their own through any means other than comprehension and consciousness is violent.

Physical aggression is a form of violence, but so is manipulating, lying, using social pressure against someone and there are many laws that are violent as they force people to act in ways that are not natural to them.

When we are victims of violence we become resented and end up being wounded in ways that can be quite difficult to heal. It’s easy to get stuck in a vicious cycle of trying to forget the moment we were hurt, running into triggers that remind us of it and later feeling guilty of not being able to overcome the pain.

Violent acts, just like compassionate acts, can ripple through an entire lifetime and beyond. If the consequences are not healed and forgiven, they will be passed on to the next generation and so forth.

I asked a friend what her thoughts were on this question and she said that the effects of violence can be healed through the language of Love. She told me to listen to a song written by a chilean composer called Violeta Parra. The song is called “Volver a los 17”, which means “Return to 17”. Here’s the tune and the translated lyrics:

Returning to seventeen

Returning to seventeen
After a century of living
Is like deciphering signs
without wisdom or competence,
to be all of a sudden
as fragile as a second,
to find a deep feeling
like a child in front of God,
that is what I feel
in this fecund instant.

Entangling, entangling it moves,
like the ivy on the wall,
and so it flowers, and it grows,
like tiny moss on the stone.
Oh yes oh yes

My steps is backward
while yours keep advancing,
the arch of alliances
has penetrated my nest,
with all of its wide palette
it has walked through my veins
and even the hard chains
with which destiny chains us
is like a fine diamond
that lightens my serene soul.

What feelings can grasp
knowledge cannot understand,
not even the clearest move
not even the widest thought,
the moment changes everything
the condescending magician,
separates us sweetly
from rancor and violence,
only love with its science
makes us innocent.

Love is a whirlwind
of original purity,
even the fierce animal
whispers its sweet trill,
stops the pilgrims,
and liberates the prisoners,
love with its best efforts
turns the old into a child
and only affection
can turn the bad pure and sincere.

The fully open window
opened by pure enchantment
love entered with its blanket
like a lukewarm morning,
the melody of its beautiful Diana
prompted the flowering of jasmine,
flying like a seraphim
placed earrings in the sky
and my years in seventeen
cherub did convert.

Translated by Patricia Dixon on LyricTranslate.com

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While this is a cryptic song in many ways, there are several clearly exposed messages and I think this particular verse is a beautiful answer to our question:

“Love is a whirlwind of original purity, even the fierce animal whispers its sweet trill, stops the pilgrims, and liberates the prisoners, love with its best efforts turns the old into a child and only affection can turn the bad pure and sincere”.

After listening to this song by my friend’s suggestion, the idea that came to me was that Love is the answer to healing the effects of violence. But Love means different things to different people so it might be necessary to add a little word that offers a bigger healing effect: unconditionality.

Unconditional Love is the key to any healing process and a gateway to finding the Divine within. It means that you love all beings and existence without asking anything from it. This doesn’t mean you don’t do exchanges or trades of any sort. It doesn’t mean you don’t place boundaries and define in which ways you feel respected and appreciated. It means that you let go of what you can’t control and stop resenting the times when your desires haven’t been fulfilled.

It is an invitation to understand that anyone who has damaged you has done so because he or she was suffering and that was all they could do. That it wasn’t something personal against you, but rather a mere expression of their inner pain.

To break the cycle of people causing pain to others we have to transmute the pain we have suffered into forgiveness and acceptance. If we don’t do this we will become new channels for pain to be expressed and become violent against others in a never ending cycle.

To love is all you we can really do to finish the ripples of the violent stones that once disturbed the calmness of our water.