Why I stopped believing

Hey stop!!! I know what you're thinking but chill, that isn't it. I stopped believing this for the longest time. Love, something people take too too seriously these days.

I stopped believing in love after all the things I passed through. But wait!!! How do you say you love someone while deep inside you, you're just whining the person? Why?

We all have our reasons for doing things... Right?? Below is mine!

I'm Charles, used to be very loving and romantic. I could do anything for love back then. I grew up seeing love in movies and I tried to reproduce some of those acts, I want to feel everything real. Now let me talk about a lady I fell in love with four years ago, the main reason why I hate relationships.... Why I hate love.

During my early twenties I fell in love with a girl I thought was the best one for me. We had wonderful relationship for almost two years and everything was moving beautifully, but things didn't end well. The girl I called my love did what I call technical cheating on me.

She broke my heart. Cheated with someone I call my friend. It didn't end their, told him that we we're just friends and that I've been trying to ask her out. How?? Like how na? All these made me very very sad.

After that, I moved on with my life. Thought of getting another love partner when I'm fully healed. It happened, I became okay again. Still in school, I dated a lady whom I've been crushing on for the longest of time.

Two weeks into my new relationship, things began to look familiar, like the previous one. A day came, I jokingly asked her about her ex and she said he's fine. That he's been calling her lately. Well, she's grown up, I can't tell her what to do about it. I asked her that question because of how she normally talks about him sometimes.

Some months later, she began dating her ex lover again. I was confused then. What really is the problem? When I realized that, I began to give her more space, gradually disappearing out of her life, till the day I finally left.

After that experience, I have dated more than two and similar thing happened. I began to develop that habit of not trusting people again, finding it difficult to open up my heart to just anybody. I went through series of bad relationships which left me feeling more disappointed than ever before. Love is never worth the pain and heartache it brings afterwards.

Let's not even stop at my experiences. I've seen and heard of broken marriages, people no longer last in marriages. Divorces everywhere, everyday. True love doesn't exist, betrayals everywhere. We are just lucky to get someone compatible with our way of life, not because they love us..... Love doesn't exist!!!

Relationship is just a transaction. We meet, we fulfill our needs and desires, then we leave after the transaction was successful..... That's all.
We don't connect with people from our hearts, we all opt into relationships for what we'll gain in the end.

For years now, I've been longing for a deeper relationship. Even though I don't believe in love, I still want a more meaningful connection with someone who will truly love me. At the same time, I'm still scared of opening my heart for relationship again. Like I'm in a cycle now, having both fear, doubt, love and hatred.

My experience with love shaped my belief. I no longer believe in it. You can love anybody, it's fine, but for me, it's almost a waste of time. Sometimes, I feel like I want to try love again, but damn!!!! It's something I can't risk no more. Love na scam!!!!