Steeming Community Contest| "Overcoming My Greatest Fear"

When i think of my greatest fear, what comes to my mind is failure. Sure there is the usual fear of heights,Spiders 🕷 , stage fright or water and the rest but if i know me very well i have the guts to do any of those no matter how intimidating it may look but you see failure? That’s something i always try to avoid, sometimes i do and unfortunately sometimes i dont which makes me feel somewhat bad and makes me think alot.

What is failure?

Failure can be defined as being unsuccessful or lack of success. In a long list of phobias, the fear of failing is also known as “atychiphobia”. Its actually a thing most people dont know they have. There are physical and emotional symptoms.

Physical symptoms may include

• difficulty in breathing

• unusually fast heart rate

• tightness or pain in your chest

• trembling or shaking sensations

• dizziness or lightheadedness

• digestive distress

• hot or cold flashes

Emotional symptoms may include

• intense feeling of panic or anxiety

• overwhelming need to escape a situation that produces the fear

• feeling detached from yourself

• feeling like you’ve lost control over a situation

• thinking that you may die or pass out

• generally feeling powerless over your fear

_{for my info visit source}

Most atychiphobia patients experience lots of stress, anxiety and over think alot. Some rely on therapists or drugs. In Nigeria or especially where i come from, mental health isn’t really taken seriously, what most people think is “what problems do you have, you're just a kid” as if kids dont have their problem. Those are issues i had growing up and when you realize no one can help you but your self its the first step.

My experiences

I guess I experienced these things more as a kid, either fear of exams or uncertainties of my future or anything i set my mind to do at first, especially with the kind of pressure i had on me.
I wasn’t always the smartest kid but i would have considered myself an average student at least until my final years in highschool when my performance went of. I grew up in a family of basically scholars, my junior siblings especially who were scoring the best marks not like i had poor grades, i scored good grades but its like they would have 97% of a numerical score and i would have an 89% which unfortunately wasn’t good enough for my peers.
To top it up i wasnt sure what i wanted to study in the university or do with my life and I started having lots of anxiety attacks on if i ended up below expectations. I wrote SAT scholarship tests and i guess the fear of failing actually got to me that i wanted to bail out, i had no choice since it had been paid for already and i actual failed to get the required scholarship mark i needed. Sometimes i would think maybe being optimistic is the reason i fail and i start being pessimistic towards things. As funny as it may sound its not like i could talk to anyone about these things so i was basically working on it on my own.
While everyone was picking out courses towards the end of highschool, i just chose a random course if i can remember right it was theatre arts, to be honnest i picked anything and didnt care cause I didn’t know what i wanted to do. Most people felt i should have picked what they refered to as top courses because of my performance in school at that moment but i wasnt intrested in any of those and besides even if i was i had the doubt of me succeeding. You see i had expectations where i said at the age of 20 i would have achieved this or at the age of 25 i would achieve this. So imagine when you feel like nothing is actually going to way you planned. I brought out nice business ideas which i planned to start off but my parents thought i should just focus on school and when i tried doing it secretly with friends it wasn’t successful. Most people would’ve quit to avoid failing but i dont know why i just still never gave up.

How i overcame my fear

While maturing i came by some inspirational quote which i read on a friend’s whatsapp status. I saw it on google too.

source

I read some other speeches from famous people like mohammed ali, arnold schwazenegger etc and then i realized failing isnt bad. You can fail a thousand times but what you need is just one win which is why you should never give up.
Im christian by faith and all along while i had these issues i never looked for once towards my faith. I soon began to tell myself everything is predestined to be. I strongly believe in predestination and everything happens for a reason leading to something for the better.
I believe i have hurt no one in my pursuit for success and so I shouldn’t worry about being successful but just never give up and succumb to the thought of failing.
2019, i took a gap year and discovered myself more and from my hobbies I realized i could go into advertising and marketing. Of course i would have to write an exam to get into my course and so I registered for foundation exam. Everyone i had met had told me not to do it because of it’s difficulty level, its called the JUPEB program and to top it up i was applying to one of the best schools in the country whose cut off marks were ridiculous. Of course the old me would have thought about failing all the time and not go for it.

I wont lie it crossed my mind once or twice but i must admit i wasn’t the same person i used to be. I had more faith and confidence in my self.

I took the 9 months program and out of 15-16points(cause you get an extra point if you get 15)
I had 14 points which i surprised my self with and alot of people failed. Through out the program when people were always scared, i wasn't that scared i just knew i would pass and so i got my admission into the school.

So I realized that if i had passed my theater arts exams i wont have discovered what I really wanted. If i could piece every event i had failed in it always led to something good or prevented something bad but i was so caught up in my disappointments I couldn’t see that God had other plans.
This is my reality now and i make my reality what ever i want it to be with the strong faith i have in Gods direction and thats how i overcame my phobia. My advice to anyone who faces this phobia.
Regardless of your faith, have more confidence in yourself, believe that failing isn't bad, quitting is and lastly everything happens for a reason and so don't let it worry you much. If you train yourself like this then you become unstoppable. Im currently running a small business which is actually working for me and is slowly expanding. Im a living proof of this and so can any of you.

I would love to invite @noskiart @swaylee and @dayographix to join this community contest, i hope you guys enjoy it.