I'm not going to cry!!!

Its really strange to be back at work in a large scale ensemble again. It has been a year since the big wave of concert cancellations began rolling and things haven't really picked up since then. And yet here we are at the beginning of a 3 day TV recording project with one of my favourite ensembles under the direction of one of my musical idols.

So, it is really quite bizarre to be playing that large Easter staple, the Markus Passion by Bach in one of my beloved ensembles amongst colleagues who have been in semi-retirement for over a year! In fact, one year ago, we were all scheduled to play this piece in a large travelling throughout Europe when the shit hit the fan...

The Markus Passion is one of the master works by JS Bach and requires a force of two orchestras and two choirs. Needless to say, it pretty much impossible to field a force of that size in these pandemic days. An ensemble of three people is a struggle...

It has been quite an eye opener meeting old friends, and seeing how everyone has aged and dealt with the sector wide body view. There are some of us that have been luckier than others, especially those who have a different skill to fall back upon. However, there are also quite a large chunk of the very international group who were not able to join us due to travel restrictions.

So, we have a group that is mostly composed of core members who live in Western Europe in the first orchestra... With the second orchestra being composed of younger people who live locally in the Netherlands. It's a bit weird to say younger people... There was a time when I was the baby of the group!

Not all of us have managed to make it this far through the pandemic with everything intact. A lot can happen in a year... There have been some who have transitioned from being part of one of the leading orchestras in the world to working to survive in a different profession. There are some who have succumbed to mental health issues as well... So, it is a bit of a bitter-sweet reunion. Still, there are many many of us who have returned to the fold to complete this three day recording project for TV broadcast.

Every morning we need to do a rapid coronatest to be allowed entry into the studio. Unspoken is the worry about what will happen if anyone tests positive... I suspect that the whole project is hanging by a thread, it must be stressful for the administration!

There is one piece near the end of the Markus, Mache dich, which is one of my all time favourites, especially with this director and orchestra. It is a beautiful piece about the striving to better, to be pure. It is really a piece that has always spoken to me, the eternal striving to be a better version of ourselves... Especially poignant for me after the passing of one of my parents.

We rehearsed it today... In normal times, I find it an emotional experience (weird, given my basic analytic personality)... In these strafe times, it was quite powerful, and there was such a surge from inside that was hard to resist.

I teared up....

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