Is it a rebel or on the barricades?

Ah, if I get your meaning, I would say “the barricades”. Hold off the negative trappings of my culture for as long as I can while taking random shots at it.
I keep myself away from people—not aloof, just away. I’m wary of most anyone walking on two feet. So many interactions I have, even among family and friends, are superficial and stultifying. I’ll venture out from time to time, not experience any meaningful connections, and then back to the barricade! :)
Could I live without painting?
Funny you should ask. I am considering giving away (and burning) everything I have made thus far, and stopping painting altogether. The obsession has gone awry. Recently I feel it has lessened my lust for life. I set out with art to keep the child always, yet I fear my painting is taking me too rapidly to the womb or the tomb. Either direction is the wrong way. Maybe just a break, and three seasons of gardening. Meditate in the buckwheat on sunny summer mornings instead of slouched in the studio coloring in whatever comes out of my head.
Thank you!