Am I still confused in my life of more than 30,000 days?

When I graduated from high school, I thought that a free life was finally ushered in. You can no longer live under the supervision of parents and teachers, you can no longer work hard for academic performance, and you can do whatever you want... And my university life, This is indeed the case. As long as there is no class, I will wake up naturally. I don’t have to worry about ranking anymore, as long as I can pass the exam. I just slack off every day and live a muddle-headed life.

Now, I have graduated for a long time and have lived in the workplace for several years. I miss my school life more and more. I also regret the time I wasted to study and enrich myself freely in university. Near the age of 30, every year and every day I have passed through has brought me a great sense of anxiety, and even a long period of time is in a state of confusion, I don’t know what my future life will be. What kind?

It wasn’t until two years ago that I started to think about it. If I carefully calculated my life, it would probably be more than 30,000 days, eliminating the 20 years that have been spent, the time spent busy with the family and children, and the old age in the future. Those days that are weak and no longer strong, in fact, are the most valuable only a few years now, which can only be counted as a few thousand days. How can I live up to myself? Do you really want to spend every day in various Korean dramas and American dramas, various mobile games, and every holiday that sleeps until noon?

I’m grateful that I strayed into the account circle. At first I just thought it looked good and wanted to try it. Just in time for the New Year’s Eve, I made a plan for myself. When more than half a year passed, I looked back and found that my plan was basically completed. The sense of accomplishment and satisfaction made me fall in love with this behavior. It's not just planning, but the gradual daily record of life, schedule management, and the feelings and moods that I jot down make me feel that I am not so confused anymore.

Once I chatted with my friends about life, took out my own handbook, and began to look back on every day I lived, the books I read, the movies I watched, the food I ate, and the happy time spent with my friends. There are traces left in the book, and there is no time and light gradually passing away, nor is it gradually dimming with memory.

In the past few years when I can live as I want, in order not to waste time, I have tested two certificates that are helpful to work, learned the tea art I like, and tried many hobbies that I was interested in but I have never started. I can’t forget that during the rest time, when my friends were shopping, eating, and clubbing, I was on the way to class. Because there was no air conditioning in the sultry classroom in summer, I prepared a small fan. After class in winter, I wandered around. In the falling snow, listening to the crunchy footsteps in the snow. When looking back on these, the team also said to themselves: Look, on the road to a fulfilling life, there are also these little fortunes and little things!

There is only one month to 2019. At this moment, I have listed all the things I want to do and try in 2019. Maybe at this time next year or the next year, I will still count the years in front of the computer. I plan my life every day in the future.