Fumbling Toward Jesus: Thankful For Addiction Recovery

“Have an attitude of gratitude,” is a common saying—and I think this definitely applies to us in our lives and walks as Christians.

As an addict in recovery, every day that I wake up, I feel a larger sense of appreciation for the day than I used to. There were times in my life when I didn’t feel grateful for the days at all. My past was filled with lots of suicidal ideation, so making it to the next day seemed more like a punishment rather than a blessing.

Now, however, I feel everything quite differently. I think often about the dark days of my life, and how I engaged in behavior that could have easily ended me in a hospital—or worse, could have ended in my own death. I mixed together the wrong combination of chemicals in a really casual way—I essentially played a chance game with my own life for a number of years by my mixing of opiates, benzos, and alcohol. It’s scary to even think about—but it increases my thanks I have toward and give to the Father for delivering me from those dark days and bringing me closer to His light.

I haven’t felt this optimistic about life and humanity since I was in high school—and it honestly blows my mind, because now this optimism is shaped with not only my faith, but also the boatloads of human experience I have had in the past 20ish years.

I used to not think that my experiences could ever warrant a personal optimism ever again, and the fact that that has been restored to me by Him is equal parts the best thing ever and mind-boggling.

I still have to pinch myself, because this doesn’t feel real. I never thought I’d get sober. I just didn’t think it was possible. I also didn’t think I’d ever want to be sober—but here I am: sober and loving life in a totally new way.

Giving thanks means a lot more than it used to, and I’m so thankful for the shift of my own perspective.

Additionally, it gives me hope for the future of not only myself, but also to others who are struggling with addiction. Jesus loves you so much. If you’re struggling with your own addictions, you can recover. I’ve seen so many miracles happen in so many lives through the transformative power of Christ. He wants to heal us. He wants to deliver us. He wants us to call on Him and leave our troubles at His feet. Recovery is possible.

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I am Jessamyn Orchard (@jessamynorchard), and I am a former youth pastor, worship minister, and church lay leader, who graduated from a Christian college. Most recently, however, I’m an addict in recovery who rededicated my life to Jesus about 6 months ago. I was raised in church, and saved at age 12, but I did a lot of straying over the past 10+ years, falling into pits of sin through addictions and self-pity. I’m no authority, just a believer in a big God and called to spread His word through as many conduits as present themselves to me. Fumbling Toward Jesus is a multi-media ministry campaign and includes a written blog of daily devotions on Steemit and an accompanying monthly podcast on Anchor.fm, and it represents years of study—both over the years and lately, and now combined with a whole load of human experience. I’m just a super nerdy sinner saved by a really awesome grace.

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A Sinful Woman Forgiven Series: Part I,Part II, Part III, Part IV

Keeing Negative Thoughts In Check (Philippians 4:8)

When Depression Strikes (1 Kings 19:5)

The Discipline of Darkness (Matthew 10:27)

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Unless otherwise noted, all scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Any bold or italics used in scripture quotation is of my own emphasis.

All stock photography is sourced exclusively from pexels.com, and is used with permission. All image collages, photo editing, text addition, and image alterations are original to me.

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