A man on the edge of Nothing: The Diary of a psychopath.

I wrote in my first post that I was writing the book as an amateur and promised that one day I would show you a piece of it. I invite you to read, evaluate and comment.

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Diary Of A Psychopath .

Man on the edge of nothing .

We all have worse days when we are sad and sad. We lack the will to live and the strength to do anything. This is perfectly normal, because at some point it has to break everything that we carry on our shoulders every day. Usually it passes after two or three days and everything returns to normal. But what if such days appear more and more often, and in a month instead of two days, we have two days of normality?
At first we don't even realize it, but every day it engulfs us more and more. With each passing day it becomes more and more difficult for us to get out of it, and day after day, piece by piece, it devours the last remnants of joy, faith and hope in US, until finally we become... that's right! Who do we become then?

A spark of happiness in the midst of autumn sadness .

I don't remember exactly what day it was, but summer was slowly coming to an end and the new school year was approaching with big steps and with it autumn... autumn time is probably the worst and it is probably the most sad and depressing time of the year. The days are getting shorter and the rain is falling almost all the time, which will probably put everyone in a melancholy mood and even these preparations for school... a new school... on the one hand, curiosity about something new and on the other, fear of the unknown. The first few days passed quite calmly because among the hundreds of students there were just a few people I knew before but everyone was in a different class and we were not on the way to meet at the break and talk.. Yes, I met some new people but I just met them and we didn't have much to talk about so most of the breaks were sitting against the wall with my head on the phone..
I did not expect miracles, and it did not even occur to me that something unusual could happen. Something that will change my whole life in an instant. Something I won't be able to stop thinking about even for a moment. It's very beautiful to meet someone who changed my life in an instant... someone I love even though she's been gone for a long time.

Moment of weakness .

The last few days have been very tiring and difficult. Sleepless nights and constant fatigue combined with liters of spilled tears did their job. Once again I fell, and so many times I promised myself and everyone around me that I would not do it again. I didn't mean to, but what am I supposed to say... apologize? Who? For what? I did it consciously and I knew what the consequences would be. Many times in my head I wonder if this is what I wanted.…
No... I didn't mean to, but it keeps me alive... so I know it's not an explanation and it's stupid to look for an excuse for your own mistakes and stupidity. The last few days have been strange and I didn't know what was happening to me... I haven't taken for a while and spent all day in bed.. I didn't have the strength or desire for anything.. I couldn't and still can't enjoy life sober.. I didn't want any more drugs.. I didn't want this shit anymore... I wanted to get away from it and I found salvation in alcohol... I had drunk before and it was a lot... because of this I also lost the love of my life for which I still have feelings... I was stupid and I'm stupid because I'm back to it again... again I had to drink and again everything had to break down..
Night walks, music, tears and again this desire to finish with each other... for a very long time I did not have and did not even think about it, and in recent days I have been in such a hole twice.. I thought about it many times and wanted to do it but I lacked the courage but now I felt that I would do it and I was ready for it. I felt that without hesitation I would end my life once and for all…