Two Best Friends: The Syndrome of Postponed Life and the Fear of Judgment

"Finish this, and then I’ll start living." Sounds familiar, right? Maybe you’ve said it yourself. Everything’s blurry: I’ll finish this, sort things out, save up… And then what? Nothing. It’s just an excuse. We’re afraid to start. Afraid we’ll do something wrong. Afraid we’ll be judged. Afraid we won’t live up to the expectations others have for us. We all hide from our desires beneath layers of "later."

I’m the same way. I want to try YouTube. I keep thinking: not now, I need to buy a camera first, get my teeth fixed, pick a topic for the channel. No need to rush. And then I start thinking: how will my family and friends react? What if no one likes it? What if they all think it’s nonsense? And so, everything gets postponed until the "perfect time." But, as we all know, that time never comes. I know this life is mine alone, and only I decide where I go. But the fear of judgment still holds me back.

You sit and wait. Everything seems in place: work, home, food. But inside, there’s emptiness. And you keep waiting for the "right time." And here’s the fear of judgment again: what if it doesn’t work? What will people say? Maybe they won’t understand. And you end up stuck in this cycle of waiting, excuses, and fears.

There was a time when I worked in the police. The job wasn’t my dream. It was a coincidence. Every day, I dreamt of quitting. My colleagues had one thing on their minds: "Once I retire, then I’ll start living." In Kazakhstan, law enforcement officers retire early—around forty. But I couldn’t wait for that moment. I quit. Yes, it was hard. But at least I didn’t feel trapped. And yes, there was that fear of judgment. What will my relatives say? What about my friends? How could I leave such a prestigious job and go nowhere? Everyone expected me to remain part of the system. But I chose differently.

There’s no such thing as perfect timing—there never was and never will be. There will always be something missing: money, time, confidence. These are just excuses. They help us do nothing. The fear that others will watch you, evaluate your successes or failures. But life happens here and now. In those small joys and losses: in the morning coffee you drink without noticing its taste, in the random encounter with a friend.

This doesn’t mean you should throw everything away and live impulsively. It means waiting is pointless. If you want something, do it. Want to write a book? Write at least one page. Dream of traveling? Start with the nearest city. Everything you keep putting off is burning away.

Time doesn’t wait. You have a train. It’s sitting on the platform. All you need to do is get up and get on. There’s nothing left to wait for.

Photo from the author's personal archive.