My saddest memory in high school

My mom and I used to go out for breakfast every Saturday morning. One morning I woke up but my mom wasn't home. I had just turned fifteen, cell phones were still more than a decade away.

I went to the kitchen to see if she'd left me a note. Nothing.

I went to the bathroom, sometimes she'd leave a note taped to the mirror. Nothing.

About an hour later, the phone rang. It was my mom. Her voice sounded so strange that it took my breath away. She told me to shower and wait for her. She told me she was coming home to get me.

When she got home, the look on her face matched the strange tone in her voice earlier on the phone. She sat down next to me, then she pulled me to her. She just held me.

I asked her what was going on. Though I wanted to know, I hesitated because I knew it had to be bad.

She pulled me from her and then she told me. It was my friend Nina, there had been an accident. Nina had been badly injured. The night before she was in a car with a guy who'd been drinking.

Her family was at the hospital. My mom said we had to go, to be with Nina's family. She told me to get all my tears out so I wouldn't cry in front of the family. My mom told me they needed me to be strong, so no tears at the hospital.

I cried the entire way to the hospital.

Nina was my friend. We met in the third grade. Our moms were our Girl Scout troop leaders. Our moms became the best of friends. We took ballet together, sleepovers, camp, everything…

I kept thinking if I prayed really hard and promised to be a better person, God would make Nina okay. I felt so powerless, I just prayed.

My mom pulled into the garage at the hospital and let me suck in all of my tears. We went in and walked down a long hallway. Nina's family was there. Everyone was so sad, they were allowed to cry. Her mom hugged me and held me hand. My mom held my other hand. They wanted me to go in the room and see Nina. They wanted me to say goodbye to her.

I went in, but it wasn't Nina lying in that bed bandaged and connected to tubes. Nina was young, just one week older than me. Nina was blonde, beautiful, she was full of life. Nina was fun and active. She was alive. We'd just started sophomore year.

I couldn't breathe, I pulled my hands away from our moms. I left the room. I just couldn't breathe in there. They told me to sit in this little private room down the hall. The room was dark, lighted by a little lamp in the corner. I was all alone in there until her aunt came in and sat with me. She said she just couldn't be in there when they took Nina off of life support.

I felt so scared and small sitting there. All I knew to do was pray. I've never prayed as hard as I prayed that night sitting in that dark little room.

My mom came in and got me to take me home. I laid in bed wrapped in my mom's arms. I cried the entire night.

We were so young. I just kept thinking, we were so young.