Note to Self

Three months ago, I just got out of a 3 year relationship with this person who meant so much to me. I thought I wouldn't be able to survive living without her. I had my life wrapped around hers and I envisioned my future with her. But things didn't go the way I planned it to. Now, 3 months after, I found myself longing for that feeling, of belonging to someone, someone caring about you, or asking you how your day went. I just want someone to constantly talk to. I tried signing in to dating apps. I talked to a lot of people, but no one seemed to click with me. No one was interesting enough to have long conversations with. Then I remembered the pain I felt when I loved someone so much. I don't want to experience that pain anymore. I stopped and asked myself why I wanted to put myself in the same situation when I haven't fully recovered yet? I am so obsessed with being loved by other people when I don't even love myself. I promised myself that I'd focus on me this year, that I won't get into relationships this year, because this year is the year I'll learn to love myself. I wanted the pain to disappear right away, that's why I try to hide it by seeking validation from others. But the more I seek for attention and validation from others, the more disappointed I become. The only attention and validation I need is my own validation. I don't need other people's opinion about me to matter. I should focus on doing the things I love to do, because I'm already starting to achieve my goals and I have already checked a few boxes off my bucket list. I should enjoy my own company and not rush in finding the new person I'd fall in love with. I should remind myself to love myself first this time, because he will come someday, in the right place and right time. And this time, he will be the one.