Living with Adult ADHD

First of all, this isn't a pity party or anything of the sort- it's purely MY experience & hopefully going to provide information to others about what it's like, as I feel like it's not talked about much in the adult realm. Secondly, I apologise if this is scattered and awkward to read- I have about 6 million thoughts racing through my head at all times and to put it in a coherent blog post is going to be a task and a half, so bear with me.

What I don't think a lot of people understand, is that ADHD in adults isn't just fidgeting, it's so much more debilitating- especially socially. A lot of people with ADHD also have other mental illness (anxiety being most prevalent) & often choose to ostracise themselves, because socialising & being around other people isn't as autopilot-y as it is for the rest of the population. Often it goes undiagnosed, as it's commonly seen as a childhood disorder & I really don't hear many adults talking about it.

A list of symptoms for Adult ADHD is as follows: (taken from https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adults)

-Have unpredictable mood swings
-Make careless mistakes at work
-Find it hard to sustain attention in work or leisure
-Not seem to listen when spoken to directly
-Not follow instructions or finish tasks
-Find it hard to organise tasks and activities
-Avoid sustained mental effort in work
-Lose things like keys, paperwork and things needed for tasks
-Be easily distracted by other stimuli
-Be forgetful in daily activities
-Fidget with hands or feet, or squirm in their seat
-Find it hard to remain seated
-Constantly run to do things
-Be impatient
-Have trouble doing things quietly
-Talk excessively
-Blurt out things without thinking
-Have trouble waiting their turn in queues and other such situations
-Butt into conversations or other activities.

As you can tell, most of the symptoms can be physically and socially taxing, causing huge strain on an individuals life. I can obviously only talk about my experience, but personally, in the past year I've been fired twice because of my inability to stay on task, my constant making dumb mistakes, inorganization & being distracted by anything and everything. Socially, I've had anxiety from a very young age & that's been exacerbated by being terrified of interrupting other people in conversations (which I have almost 0 control of) or talking a lot, fearful of any sort of silence- it's gotten to the point when I hate going into public because I'm scared to say something stupid. I constantly misplace my things too, daily if not hourly. Phone, car keys, wallet, whatever it is, I've lost it. In the past 6 months alone, I've left my wallet in a shopping centre 4 times (luckily they've been handed in with nothing taken) & locked the keys in my car twice (thats what I get for having a 2002 Toyota Echo I guess.) Basically, what I'm trying to boil it down to is that it's annoying as fuck & I find myself on a daily basis, hating myself for the way I am & being scared that I'm going to lose the job I have now. I'm currently studying, which is 10x harder than it should be- it takes me hours to go through a 30 minute online lecture because I'm so easily distracted.

As for a "cure/treatment," I'm yet to find something that works for me. Working out, journalling & painting help me channel some of it but its my every day mundane tasks that seem to get affected more than anything. I've been plant based/vegan for 5 years, eat very healthily, workout 5-6x a week, drink tons of water, surrounded by a loving family & fiance, don't smoke or drink & I paint as a hobby. I've tried writing to-do lists, setting alarms/reminders & leaving post it notes, but they only work for certain circumstances. The only real next step for me is either therapy and/or medication, which I'm trying to avoid as much as possible. I have past issues with addiction & medication like Adderall terrifies me & I'm worried it could send me down a bad path again.

This post is a a shit show, but I'm hoping you go SOMETHING helpful out of it. If you feel like you relate in any sort of way, please do attempt to seek a diagnosis and get help, I know how frustrating it is to live with ADHD. I don't believe it's necessarily something we need to "cure," more just manage and channel into something productive.
Thanks for taking the time to read this noodle soup of a post!

Giacinta :)