I Hate My Body

What is to like about my body? Nothing, I couldn't care less about my appearance, I could get used to it but the pain is something that cannot be ignored especially the emerging pain issue with my left hand, it is getting painful to use it especially when I am taking a bath considering that I use it to wash my bottom.

So it would really suck if I would lose the use of my hand, this left hand in particular. Well it saddens me because a part of my body will again be taken away. It seems that it is getting too late as my lifetime is getting consumed by my own patience in hoping for good things to come, if it will ever come into my life.

I am just thankful that the lingering pain in my back doesn't bother me much anymore unlike in the past months where there is a lingering pain there and not even lying down alleviates it. But I have to take a compromise of having my appetite devastated by the same medicine that takes that misery of pain away not to mention the expense of money that I have to keep in mind as well as the drug for hyperparathyroidism is very costly plus the phosphate binder that I have to take with my meals as well.

So it forces me to eat a few times, usually a couple of times only a day. Well I do not have much appetite anyway. If I come to think of it, it is just pointless to live like this because I am not living my life fully. Happiness is just a day short of impossible. I do not know what will the days would bring me but it is God's plan and what I am just doing is to do what is right although it seems that it is really just madness into wanting to stay alive in this world.