Dear Diary: I Feel Like My Mouth Is Still Disfiguring More And More

I always am putting my head down the sand about my Leontiasis Ossea condition because I still could not accept the fact that it can or getting worse as weeks passes by because I can still feel the slow progression of the enlargement of the bone structure under the gums so it gives me the fear that someday I will not able to eat anymore.

It is hard not to eat in a normal manner of sitting up and I could also not been able to eat with my hands in a traditional way since I am a rice-eating person plus having a poor appetite makes it all just too depressing because it feels like I am just surviving this life which should not be the case because I am not enjoying it like most people does.

The only socializing I can do is online socializing particularly here at steemit and the other normal form of socializing I am or not willing to do anymore because of the fear of other people's way of looking at me which I cannot take on lightly as it bothers me being the subject of awkward situation so I just do not want to get embarrassed because of that.

But of course I do not want to care of what other people would think about me physically but having such a disfigurement that is uncertain or certainly getting worse by the day gives me the fright of the lifetime and I am living in it day in and day out because it in itself a living hell for me. May God have mercy on my soul.