Dear Diary: I Am Just Sad That I Couldn't Move My Body Normally Anymore

I feel normal sort of, when lying down and still. But when I start to move things are not they were seem anymore as my hip joint really is killing me with pain. I am just literally being carried often with my armpits because I could not lift my emaciated body.

So there is a frustration obviously because my freedom to move around already had been taken from me. I could not enjoy cold showers in the middle of the night to refresh myself. Now I just have to take some pain medication just for me to be able to move a little without excruciating pain on my hip and tailbone.

So also riding our vehicle is a stressful activity as I have to be vigilant when it would run over a hump or bump. Sometimes it wasn't possible to avoid them so it would set the vehicle to shake and it would injure my tailbone more and I would scream in pain.

There is no possible way for me to get a comfortable position in our car because of my ribs. I could not lay down because the set was made hardened by my father by stuffing some rugs and wood under the seat. The seat actually had contributed a lot in my tailbone injuries so I feel being tortured while I am in the car. I may have to ask my father to fix that car seat again because it is uncomfortable sitting on it.