Sexual addiction: "Having sex 5 times a day was not enough"

Barker's addiction caused him serious problems in their relationship. Now, four years after the worst moment, it's recovered.

"At the worst time, even having sex five times a day was not enough," admits Rebecca Barker, a British mother of three.

Her compulsive behavior appeared after having her third child and in 2014 she says she lost control of her life due to an addiction to sex that ended up ruining her relationship with her partner.

Barker says he constantly proposed to his partner to have sex.

"It was literally the first thing I thought when I got up, I could not get it out of my head," the 37-year-old told the BBC.

"I felt that everything made me think about that, I think it was linked to my depression and the lack of serotonin, I felt that my whole body was asking for it."

Rebecca Barker said her sex addiction ruined her relationship with her partner.

"It gave me an instant rush and five minutes later I loved him again."

"I became a hermit, I stayed at home because I was ashamed that I could only think about that, even though nobody could read my mind, I felt very uncomfortable being surrounded by people," she admits.

Barker's addiction caused him serious problems in their relationship. Although at first his partner liked the attention, over time it became an impossible situation for the couple.

"At first he did not care but towards the end he could not understand it at all, after several months he began to wonder why it happened and what caused it."

"He accused me of having another relationship, he thought that should make me feel guilty and that's why I wanted sex with him all the time."

In November 2014, Barker felt he needed "a break" from that relationship and went to live with his mother.

"When I left I told my partner that I needed to get well, he let me go and the relationship broke very shortly afterwards."

"At that time I was dealing with a psychiatrist, she told me she was going to change my medication but she never told me there were support groups or anything like that."

In 2012, after the birth of her third child, Barker was diagnosed with depression.

Later, depression and sex addiction coincided. In 2014, when everything intensified, Barker changed jobs, separated from his partner and moved to France.

"I made many changes in my lifestyle to try to overcome depression and addiction, and that worked for me."

Is it or is not it an addiction?

There is still no consensus among experts on whether people can really develop an addiction to sex.

Relate, a well-known British support organization for people with relationship problems, defines sexual addiction as "any sexual activity that a person feels is" out of their control. "

The World Health Organization (WHO) is expected to approve, in May 2019, the inclusion of "Disorder of compulsive sexual behavior" in its International Classification of Diseases (ICD).

But nowadays it is not officially considered an addiction such as drugs or alcohol, although it has many points in common.

That is why patients in the United Kingdom who believe they are addicted to sex receive no help from the public health service (NHS for its acronym in English).

Paradoxically, the Association for the Treatment of Addiction to Sex and Compulsivity of the United Kingdom (ATSAC), believes that sex addiction is an increasing problem.

They say that the number of sexual therapists they have doubled in the last five years, to 170, and that the number of addicts visiting their center has quadrupled in the last decade.

On the other hand, according to a survey of more than 20,000 Britons through the Sex Addiction Help website, 91% of those who asked for help since 2013 were men.

1% was under 16 years old and 8% over 55, but the most usual demographic profile, 31%, is between 26 and 35 years old.

"A horrible and disgusting experience"
Graham (a fictitious name to protect the identity of this sex addict) said that his compulsive behavior led him to cheat on his wife with "hundreds" of prostitutes, something that made him feel "a heartrending guilt."

"When you're in the worst of addiction you're obsessed with that thought, from when you get up until you go to bed."

"It was a horrible and disgusting experience, it's nothing sexy, when you wake up in the morning with a good dose of chlamydia (a sexually transmitted disease), it's not sexy," the 60-year-old told the BBC.

"It's very harmful and it destroys your life."