Story of Anxiety and Depression

I know most of you have read most of the content here. Yes this page is dedicated to all things gunpla and gundam. What you don't know is that me talking about gunpla is an everyday thing that I get into. I put together gunpla for my health's sake and not just to pass time. As a person with anxiety and depression my mind tends to wonder and go off to many different places all in hopes to find a place of solitude and not for it go crazy. When the mind wonders the hands usually have to do something. Gunpla is my way of coping. Before gunpla came into my mind however, other things took it's place. I would like to share to you my journey of discovery, acceptance, battle and victory.

My story of discovering I have anxiety and depression...the kind that puts thoughts of suicide into your head. I guess I thought it was normal to feel things like I wasn't part of the normal people. I was okay with being in a corner, all to myself and not having anyone to be with me. I also thought it was okay to be bullied cause after all I viewed myself as worthless. why? If you can entertain thoughts of ending your life, then it means you don't value it, you see yourself as less of a human being.

Sometimes all you want is to sleep and not wake up anymore. Like the Angel of death suddenly coming for you.

Growing up with it is definitely not easy. You think your wrong to be thinking those things, but then you have little to no control over it. It gets to you when you aren't doing anything and the voices in your head just won't stop. You Try to put on a mask to make it look like you are okay. You try to climb out of it but fall back down just as easily. I think this is why stories of Hollywood stars suddenly committing suicide are common. You never really know you have it until you tell someone about it. It's not wrong to have anxiety and depression, it is wrong to thing you are the problem and keep it all to your self.

The thing about this part is that you should learn to accept it. It took 26 agonizing years before I accepted it. In those 26 years I battled my self when I should have been battling my circumstance. I was not the problem, my way of thinking was. Coming to a point of accepting that you indeed have anxiety and depression but not letting it take control of your life is a big commitment and decision which proved life changing for me.

Accepting that you have anxiety and depression is empowering, not being weak.

Once you have accepted that you have anxiety and depression you then get two options, quiver in the hopeless that you have, accepting every bit of negative thoughts, the kind that makes you want to disappear from the world or make a stand. fight, battle and move on forward! You are alive and this life was not given to you by accident! Make the best out of it and make a difference for your self!

Learning to battle these thoughts will allow you to do things you never thought you would never thought of doing. Hopefully you are doing good and productive things though. Don't let your circumstance beat you, you are in full control of your life and you and you alone can make that decision to fight and move on. Also know that you are not alone and you will always have allies. They come in the form of your family, friends, workmates or classmates. Now if you will tell me that you have none of those, you can always come to me in this post and I will gladly chat with you.

Now when we choose to fight we immediately gain the victory! You might be thinking but the battle isn't over, it's like a broken CD player, it's on repeat...for life! Well then all the more victories everyday! The victories you get can come from as small as waking up in the morning, making breakfast, taking a good bath! Doing your chores, helping your family out, being kind to loved ones and friends, even strangers! It can come from crossing the street and actually crossing it fighting the temptation of just being hit by the bus. It can come from chopping up some carrots and not thinking of cutting yourself. It can come from taking the right amount of medicine and not succumbing to the temptation of overdose.

Win everyday, victory is at hand, all you need to do is show up and kick some depressive butt!

A useful and now something that turned into a hobby tip for me was being encouraged to pour my free time on creating art or in this case putting together gunpla. It has turned into something I am passionate about and have met a lot of friends along the way! It helps me become creative, develops my mind and is over all fun! It also lead me to learn different skills that are making it possible for me to not focus on my mental condition.

I'm not saying that gunpla and words of advice are all you need to gain victory over anxiety and depression. If your doctor says to take a certain medicine or medicines, by all means do it. Take time off from work to focus on your mental health and make a positive future for yourself.

To the person reading this, I hope you don't just see gundamguy as the guy posting about Gundam. This is for the Hobbyists, the ones who dream, the one's who battle day in and out and come out victorious!