What is really important

So these days ...

I've been to Mount Everest and the bottom of the Mariara trench every day for the past two weeks. This isn't really my story but I feel entwined at the deepest levels.

So let's get the gratitude out first. Live is good.. I have love in my life so much love. My beautiful perfect 2 year old daughter my supportive, successful, caring wife. expecting a new boy at the end of the year. I'm working my wife is working. we are thriving despite the virus.

If you want to see how I'm connected I've bared my soul on this blog. I've lost a love .. I grew up without a mother.. I have mental illness .. but these things are my super powers..

I'm really hurting but my life is good? the pain is not mine ... but it cuts me. ...

Can you live when your brother is dying maybe he is already dead...

I once lost it all and now he has lost more than I can ever know.

He wants to die and I can't lose him... I can't save him...

maybe i already did.

I don't sleep. I cry and lash out.

Still I keep it in a box .. I am kind a patient with my daughter .. I throw myself into work ... and I drink

I want to be there but it exhausts me... maybe if I slept my stomach turns..

This is not my pain but it feels the same... everything feels fresh the scabs are torn and i'm blood letting.

i feel anemic.

how did i live through this when it was mine. when i could not put it in a box..

maybe i feel it more for him than I ever did for myself...

it's just new and with time this is my next super power..

unless I failed then it would be my kryptonite.

nothing

everything

back to nothing