Grief

Up until last week I knew approximately 282 friends or family that have died during my lifetime...well now it has grown to 284...I counted for the first time months ago because honestly, I have been running from grief for too long. Not knowing how to process or allow it since the very first death I experienced, which was before my third birthday when my lil sister Grace was stillborn...I remember feeling her spirit with me. She talked to me, she let me know all would be well.

The truth is, I didn't want to feel all that pain, sadness, and melancholy but the more that I repressed it, it seemed it sought me out...searching for its soulmate. I've never been good at allowing my emotions space to be. It has been unsafe for me to allow and express them since before my second birthday.

I remember feeling grief and automatically knowing I could not share this with anybody.

To be continued....