I'm The One In Glasses

The First Letter of Gratitude Is Love
There are so many things we humans desire. We want to be valued. We want to be listened to. We want to be understood. We want to be appreciated. But most of all, we want to be loved. This point was implied yesterday by @leeart when she commented on my post There Is Always Something To Write Home About. As I read her comment, I couldn’t help but realise that she had just revealed a great insight. Thinking about it, that is a lot to be grateful for.

Love: The Foundation For All Emotions

Yesterday, I spoke about the many things I was/am grateful for. At the base of that feeling is love. I love life; I love my family; I love writing. It is that love that spurn the spirit of gratitude within me. I ‘felt’ loved and I expressed that love in return.

It is the presence or lack of love that determines how grateful one can be. Today, @tojukaka spoke of the many people he is grateful for. These people had showed him support, care and concern. Better still, they have made him feel loved. It is the realisation and appreciation of that love that sprang up the feeling of gratitude within him. It is the same for me too.

I am Grateful For The Gift of Love And The Privilege to Love In Return

As I type these words, memories of the support and concern I have received from many people flood my brain like water from a broken dam. I think about these people, of their love for my person and what I do, I feel the tears welling in my eyes.

I know I am not an easy person to love. I have a lot of issues, and sometimes behave irrationally. In spite of this, certain people have refused to let me be. I have hurt hearts and let my greatest supporters down. Yet, these people still show me love and give me the privilege to love them in return. Even on Steemit, I sometimes fail to check on the growth of the minnows that show me so much love with their ‘widow’s mite’. I look back on all of this and the tears become warm.

The Gift Of Love

I remember my ex-girlfriend. At a time when I struggled with self-esteem, she took me in. I was a fresh graduate then, and she was the cynosure of all eyes. Everyone wanted her but she only wanted me. She gave me the first birthday gift I’ve ever received outside of my biological family. She gave me my first kiss. She gave me my first love. In less than a year, I pushed her away because I wanted to live free.

Many years later, she still hangs around. No, she isn’t asking that we get back together. Now, she’s a friend who knows I’m just a man and helps in ways she can. When I think about her, about her love then and now, I cannot but look down on myself. But she would have none of that. Instead, she enjoins me to leave the past and enjoy the present. She wants me to be loved.

The Privilege to Love In Return

If I am not an easy person to love, I am even a ‘funny’ person when it comes to expressing love. I spent many years of life within the walls of my family home. For the first seventeen years of my life, I was always inside, reading, sleeping, playing games and writing. I had very little contact with others except my classmates in school and few friends in church.

Looking back, my growing up has greatly affected the way I interact with people. I am an introvert. These days, I a lot of my time indoors listening to music, writing and seeing movies. When I come in contact with a few face, I don’t know I to react. I wonder if the jokes in my head would be funny to them. I am self-conscious of even how I move my hands. Most times, I simply look for the slightest excuse to run back to my apartment and hide.

Looking back, my social interaction has steadily become better. I find it easier to speak with strangers. I contribute to discussions when I feel I have something meaningful to say. I now feel like I am a part of other people’s lives, other people’s worlds. All of these happened because a few people were patient with me until I learnt how to love.

The privilege to love is very important to me. It means someone is ready to interpret my actions based more on my motives and less on the results. I can be weird in so many ways. I remember I once told a male friend (a fellow nerd) to buy sanitary pads for a female friend. Why? I was considering the options from a utility perspective and the pads seemed like the wisest option for the funds available. I don’t think that way any more (at least with girls) and that is because some people allowed me to love them in the way I could until I became better.

At this point, I feel tempted to mention certain steemians in this post. These people have shown me so much support and concern. But I won’t. Maybe I would in another post, maybe not.

The First Letter of Gratitude Is Love

To everyone who have ever supported me, you have my undying gratitude. I am grateful. Though for some of us, our relationship is restricted to Steemit, you are a wonderful part of my life. Thank you for always being there.

For those off Steemit, thanks too. You guys were there when no one was.

Thanks for reading

Blessings