LETTERS TO J (GUILT)

Dear J.

I got a girl pregnant once. You probably already knew that. You were probably there with me while I mulled it over in my head and decided I wasn't ready to be a father. You were probably there when I handed her the pills she needed to make it all go away. How did you feel when I did that? Disappointed? Does it compare to how I felt in my heart? How I still feel each time I think about it?

I'm a wreck J. A worldly, sinful jerk. Or at least I used to be. I still feel like a wreck now though. But why? Because I feel like the things I have done do not deserve forgiveness. I sit in my room every evening, songs of praise humming sweetly in my ears. I think about my life. Then I shake my head. The guilt sends me into a bout of depression than I find eerily dangerous but strangely comforting. I try to get out of it, then I just plomp back in my bed. To hell with it all I say.

Nowadays, anytime I commit even the slightest of sins, the one everybody takes for granted, I feel so bad that I close my eyes immediately and say a prayer. I always expect that bad feeling to just disappear. It never does J. Why doesn't it ever go away?

I know you never sinned J... But did you ever feel guilt? If you did, how did you ever let go of it? I could really use some Wisdom bro. Maybe I'll find a way. To forgive myself for everything I've done. Because I know that you have forgiven me. Until then, I'll go to bed with this guilt plagueing me.Until next time.

Your Friend
Henry Crown