Lot's Of Mooching

5 weeks had passed since playing Kingdom Come. It's plenty of time to allow my memory to fade, forgetting important skills like how to wield a sword, forgetting who is who and what the hell I am supposed to be doing etc. But as soon as I appeared at the gates of the old castle, it all came flooding back to me.

Last time i played, the disc stopped working, the game crashed, and I lost 3 hours worth of progress. Now I remember why it took me 5 weeks to try again.

The pain of restarting is a distant emotional memory, I was ready today.

The Archery Competition

The last bottle of posh wine, only made in this particular village in the land, was donated as a winning prize for the archery competition. I was forced to enter the competition knowing i was totally rubbish at archery (having only ever killed a rabbit with an arrow by fluke). It cost me a tenner to enter. I was playing against 2 other lads. It was a points game.

As there score continued to grow, I was still at zero. It had been so long since I last played I couldn't figure out how to get my bow out!! After button mashing for ages as the other's scores increased, the bow was finally in my grasp... but I had no arrows to shoot! It was the worst contest attempt ever.

By the time I had figured anything out, the game was over, I had lost, therefore not winning the posh bottle of wine i promised I'd get for Lady Stephanie who was arranging the Royal wedding.

I asked the archer boss if he knew who won the wine, he gave me a name... but it means nothing to me at this stage. I have no idea how to trace this name, where to find them, nothing. All i know is right now, the wine is long gone.

At some point I am going to have to figure this out. But this whole ordeal took well over an hour (including fucking about at the market stalls boringly trading my stuff for cash).

Let's try task number 2 instead ... OO an ornamental crown!

I was a little more excited about the next mission, I had to travel afar to lands unknown in order to get Lady Stephanie an ornamental crown.

I always go on foot when it's a new place, so me and my horse Pebble's set off early in the day and spent hours mooching through fields and forests, enjoying the views, robbing the local huts and villages where possible, mostly just chicken coops for eggs and feathers I could later sell on. It was a pleasant day.

It was a long way to the town of the crown and it soon became evening. I found myself clopping almost blindly through the forest trails... until I realised I had a torch I could use! Vision had never been more welcomed.

It wasn't long after I could actually see again when I stumbled across a small cottage and yard. I was hoping to steal something juicy so I dismounted the horse and went snooping. As I approached the entrance to the courtyard I heard voices.

" You can't keep him in here!"

I went to investigate. The voices became 2 humans standing in front of a little stone shed, guarding the door whilst squabbling. Turns out the younger one of the two had managed to capture one of the Cuman army enemies (These guys had slaughtered my parents). Vicious bastards who have been going around burning villages to the ground on behalf of the evil king. They are well hard, and supposedly fearless. How did this puny farm boy capture such a man-beast?

I interrupted them with this question and the young lad told me that he has seen this Cuman enemy struggling in the river looking like he was about to drown. The lad had gone in to rescue him, unaware at the time, of him being a Cuman. And once the Cuman had been saved, the young lad couldn't bring himself to murder him, so he decided to lock him in the shed and call his supervisor. This brought us up to about now where the supervisor and the lad were debating whether to kill him (and if so who will do so), or if to call the local authorities to come and sort.

I was classed as a local authority as a current employ of the guards. But when I asked how I could help they sent me off to look for the owner of the farm for authorisation. Their directions were vague... or once again I was being stupid... either way I couldnt find the guy I needed. I walked around in the dark for ages, exploring every space I could wonder into.

I found a barn I could climb into the roof of....but then I made some sleeping guy wake up angrily and start punching me. As I was running away, I luckily saw an ancient map to collect high up in the wooden beams of the roof structure! I guess if I hadn't have come here by accident and pissed this guy off, I would never have found this map. Worth it!

But then I had to run before I got into more trouble. I ran around the whole building, its barns and stables, and vegetable patches! at least 3 times before getting annoyed at still not finding the guy I needed to speak to before I could access the barn where the Cuman dood was.

It was then that I made a terrible decision.

My frustrations and bordom led me to robbing the chicken coops. For a few lousy eggs I managed to get myself into one of the biggest near-death fights I had ever experienced!

The two guys had spotted me and started yelling. I could hear them running towards me so I started trying to whistle to get my horse to come fetch me. I was just about to run when THUMP! i was punched in the face. This made me drop my torch ensuring I could no longer see where I was. THUMP! Another blow. It winded me. THUMP! OMG, Im being beaten up by 2 farm boys!

Sadly I hadn't got a sword, it was on my list of things to buy after somehow losing the one I was capable of wielding, but money hadnt been great and I had been carried away trying to get the quest items for Lady Stephanie. God, I needed a sword!

50 Thumps Later

I somehow stumbled and staggered my way out of the farm yard and back onto the dusty pathway. I was wounded a lot, this was preventing me from running far or fast, and no matter how far I ran, the two guys caught up and hit me. My health was massively reducing. I accepted death. I waited for it. Unfortunately, just by fist punches, death would take a long time.

I ended up cornered in some bushes against a fence, cowering my blood-dripping face behind my puny defence-hands. Somehow, the older guy lost sight of me leaving it as a one on puny-one scrap between the young lad and my injured and doomed self.

I swung a random punch. It hit the young lad with such force it knocked him back long enough for me to get my torch out briefly to see what I was stuck against. It was just a small picket fence! THUMP! My health drained to 2%. I was surely dead soon! All i could see was shades of red, my vision terribly blurred...and so red. But I lept and twirled in the dark and somehow, I made it over the fence away from the fist whacks! Woohoo.

I couldn't run. Just hobbled to the best of my abilities. My breathing heavy, I whistled, and finally Pebbles appeared in front of me just in time too! as the men were both running at me...

I ran, I ran so far away.

I lept into my saddle and let Pebbles do the rest, we galloped into the darkness, into the forest, way from tracks and people and out of sight.

I rode all night at a calm pace, still aiming for the crown town but keeping in the bushes hoping to cut corners and avoid trouble. After a couple of hours my health had only restored to 4%. My eyes still blood damaged and my need for a rest was desperate.

As we approached a massive river, I realised the town I need was just over on the other side. Fuck finding a bridge! We can cut across easy!
My spirits lifted, we galloped all the way to the river...

It was well bigger than I imagined

Wide and deep. I had only encounter puny streams and little river crossings back in my lands. I tried to get Pebbles to cross but it was too deep and the fact I can't swim started to panic me quite a lot.
We had no choice but to head back to the shore and follow the river until a bridge crossing could be found. According to my map, it was miles away.

We climbed a bit higher into the forest hillside to keep a cover as we hunted for a bridge and to my delight we stumbled upon a random grave! I was so happy because for the first time since playing this damn game, I had remembered to lug around my shovel!

Me and Mah Shovel

I dug, dug a bit more, and PING! I had uncovered a necklace buried with the unknown corpse. OOO pretty!

But then, as I looked closer before pocketing the goods I realised... IT WAS WORTH £1000!!! This was my instant leap to wealth! I have been scrabbling around trying to keep £50 in my pocket through selling eggs and poxy plants I harvest...this, is, awesome!! AND i cant possibly get into trouble with a trader for theft as I'm sure noone will know where I got this beauty!

I cant wait to find out!

So i was too tired to play further, I thought this ideal point for saving the game for another time. I just need to get to this crown town, replenish my needs and health, then go trading...and hopefully I will return with a bunch of new swords, clothes and the crown :D

So, Until next time....