3# Game Review : Xenoblade chronicles || Nitendo
I’d rather watch an impotent, retired carpet-fitter with bum knees and a slipped-disc fuck a hole in a watermelon than continue playing this.
It’s a masterclass in banality. Trite nonsense that you’ve seen done in a thousand games before it... only this time it’s more torturous than a PowerPoint presentation on health and safety at work. In the field of JRPG’s, this isn’t fit to felch the hairdresser that Final Fantasy XV just spuzzed in because it was bored and she was easy.
It doesn’t even look that good. Go and compare it to Chronicles X on the Wii U. Go on. I’ll sit here and wait while you do it.
Are you back? Good. It doesn’t look any better, does it? Nope. What’s with the bullshit depth-of-field effect where everything more than 6 inches in front of the character is a blurry mess? I thought part of the charm of this series was the gorgeous vistas? I’ve gleaned more enjoyment from inspecting roadkill.
Before you put on your little fanboy feetie pyjamas and start crying... just go ahead and muffle your rebuttals with my left nut.