Last Bet—July 24th

in #gambling • 5 years ago

Day 6

I am nervous and hungover. I feel rushed. I sabotage contentment. Day 6 without gambling and I feel weird. Stomach is constantly upset. Also from drinking too much, I guess.

I am going to continue having conversations with myself. Those seem to help a lot. That side of me feels overwhelming and out of control. I don't feel hopeful or happy right now. I feel regret and resentment. What the fuck have I been doing with my life?

Yet, the desire to experience more of life is strong. I am resentful of having wasted so much of my life playing poker. Trying to get ahead caused me so much pain. Getting breaks from my 'addict mind' is so joyful. I can just spend time listening.

Today is a good day.

#addiction #poker #healing #journal
5 years ago in #gambling by
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