Am I bad daughther?

Hi! Let me have this second post for today.
There is somthing that is bothering and disturbing myself and I have no one to tell because I am the eldest in the family so everyone expect me to handle everything and be strong.

      My father has been sick maybe 2-3 weeks now. But I never visit him or call and message them through phone. To give you a little bit of idea about the reason why? My father is an addict gambler, he will sell everything just to gamble, he can even give up his  childrens future just to gamble. That  is the reason why me as an eldest become the parents of my youngest siblings and I have 8 siblings so nine all together. I have been supporting them for 18 years straight since 20 years old to upto now Im 38. I started working at 15 years old. I quit 3 years during my high school because I work to support them so total more than 18 years but Im just counting since I become totally bread winner at age 20. Im the one who support my siblings education and I have to do work the job that sometimes against my desire and a workplace that against my will. But I swallowed everything and bare with it. Lucky that I meet someone that change my life and help me go through it. 

My father has been in and out in hospital way back 2012-2013 and he has been operated once. Im the one who pay all the hospital bills and doctor told him some of the things he not suppose to take like no smoking but he never stop smoking, no dringking liqour but he never stop dringking and his able to sell one land and pawn one coconut plantation that belongs to me. (It was pawn to me anyway so its mine.) Im kinda regret why I spend so much paying his hospital bills and bringing to doctor then this what he will do sell everything. Its just in my thought anyway. And his been gambling nonstop after operation while their monthly allowance all come from me. The money that I give is more than enough for two person yet to them is not enough because of his gambling. Even just simple sickness they cant buy medicine because never save money. Money must still from me just a simple sickness so hillarious... June 2016 I give them a surprise visit and I caught him right handed, gambling in their house they call it JAI ALAI something like jueteng. Because the supportive wife (my mother) very proud to say and keep telling me our father dear not gambling anymore only doing farmer works so I come and check. Hahahaha gottcha!!! No escape I caught them and they have no escape.

         From there I stop communicating with them. I stop sms-seng them, I never call them and I also never ask about them from anyone of my siblings, friends or relatives about them. Even christmas passby, new year, birthdays, mothers day, fathers day I NO SMS, NO CALL. Totally NO and I tell it to myself "NO HOPE" I just give up, I think they will just change when they are already sick and two feet are together. As long as they are strong and healthy they will never change and will continue do what they are doing. And the day has come. Anyway even I dont communicate with them but my support of monthly allowance is still continue they recieve it every month thats why they also dont bother to ask me why I dont reply them or call that I use to do. What matters most is I send every month happy happy is still continues so why bother daughter feelings.  
         And the day has come, tadannnn its payback time now they are sick, very sick but I dont know why I never feel any guilt and pity or not even panic my parent are sick I have to do this and that. No more, I had enough I think. Im sick and tired is it? But dont get me wrong I also send some cash because my brother come and asked me. So I give money to him and he send to them after that no more. I dont even plan to go back if anything serious happened like goodbye world and hello lord your gambler son is here. Im not angry and mad Im just really feeling like tired and give up on them and want to give time for myself and my children. Im not able to save money for myself and children because of giving and helping them. Im just starting now and Im kinnda want to all those not helpful and good be out of my life. I want to live with a new life without them. So, does this make me look like a bad daugther? 

 So dear gambler or anyone gambling reading this post, you know what todo next.

STOP GAMBLING it can destroy yourself, your family, your children future and your relationship with your children. Anyway I even send about this to the PRESIDENT asking him to make a LAW about this gambler that at the end childrens are the one who suffer the most because of thier erresponsible act. No reply yet, Im waiting.

Thanks for reading and pardon with my english and grammar Im not degree holder. You understand right? Im a bread winner at 20 quit 3 years in High school so I graduated at 20 in my high school diploma and after high school all work.

Have a bless day.