Working on it....

I pondered making my Steemit posts more attractive...

I felt like maybe if I added pictures, or cool effects I would somehow make it into a "must read" sort of space.

But the more I researched it and tested new ways to make my posts more appealing the more I was disgusted with my own process. In the end you may have noted that my post will from today and for now on will be devoid of these sort of artifacts. From today on I will just post, I will just write and I will just be myself. At least this way I can at the very least write regularly and honestly.

I'm not the type to create beautiful master pieces that will capture the eye, nor am I the type to create clickbait.

I'm just a guy using a blockchain to share his thoughts and feelings.

So today lets talk about that which is on my mind. Today I'm afraid, a bit sad, and very worried. In a few months I will have a new addition to my family. I will be the proud father of 4 little people, people I love dearly with all of my heart. Although this should not be tainted by fear and worry it is, and that is pretty much all my fault. My family as a whole struggles with bills, living arrangements, and just the day to day. Unfortunately I have not had an awesome worry free career.

Its a very normal thing for us at this point. It has been quite distracting as well (Hence I haven't posted in a while). Its actually a big part of me getting into crypto as well. I believe I felt that in mining, investing, and trading. I could produce a secondary income and somehow get ahead of my situation (Alas I am a victim of many of these platforms that have run off and taken my bitcoin with them). I was really just hoping to one day payoff college loans or even better have a savings account :). but a big deal of it is having disposable income so to be honest its probably not the correct path for me. Just having money to spend on crypto would probably make a difference, the small amount I play with isn't exactly even possibly life changing. Meh... That is neither here nor there for me at the moment because today I'm thinking about fear.

I really just want to be a great dad... but my fear is to be a great dad you have to be able to instill some confidence in your families future.

I want to provide for my family what wasn't available to me as a child. And although they have so much more than I've ever had there is such a thin line of protection keeping us from being in the same boat. All it will take is one lost pay period.

I want to have a family that is generally happy. I just don't know what they feel...

My fear is that I am on a path that makes me feel like I could be failing them.

But you know whats weird, in the midst of it all. Everyday when I come home I hear them scream my name. My two girls run up to me with their arms up and I get the biggest hugs ever. My son throws down his video game controllers and runs up behind them with his arms open.

And for a minute I forget how terrible I think I'm doing ....

For a moment I feel like I have a plan for the future...

So starting today I hope to pick up some things on the way that can hopefully change things for me. 1. I will continue to write here, while doing a couple things. I feel that in talking about these things and setting some goals that maybe I can find a bit of motivation.

I wish to learn to code, so I'm gonna give it a go.

Also I wish to do something creative, once I figure out what that is I will post about it.

and lastly I want to celebrate the little victories with you.

Here's to the future Steemit peeps, I'm working on it.