First Visit To McCarthy's Restaurant: A Yelp Review.

First time at McCarthy’s and I can promise will be back!

The Atmosphere was dingy and sad, it kind of reminded me when I went on a tour of Auschwitz as a Senior in high school. The staff seemed to give less than a shit that other humans were in the restaurant. It took “Barb” a half hour to come over and take our drink order, despite clearly noticing that we were there.

After Barb finally took our order we waited 45 minutes for our appetizers. When the cheese plate we ordered finally came we weren’t sure where the mold began and the cheese ended. It all had looked like it had been sitting out since the Clinton era. There were unappealing brown fingerprints all over everything only one of us were brave enough to try it, and they spit it out almost immediately.

After staring at our cheese plate for 2 hours our entrees finally came, the surf and turf I had was inevitable, the steak was overcooked to the point of being black and leathery, and the lobster was pretty much raw. When I asked for melted butter they brought me a shot glass full of what I believe to be “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” spray that had a flea in it. The creepy brown fingerprints I mentioned earlier were on everything.

As we left I had to stop in the lavatory and that is when the whole experience turned around for me. I was greeted by one of the most pleasant odors I’ve ever inhaled. It was like freshly bloomed flowers on a moist spring morning, my nose was in heaven. After taking in the bouquet for a few minutes I moved on to the beautiful blue stall. I was entranced by the gold trim around the door. As I began removing my pants I was struck by the perfection of the temperature, it was the most perfect air I have ever felt on my skin. I sat down on the warmed seat of the commode and I have to say it was more comfortable than most beds I have experienced. I relieved myself and then I heard a strange humming behind me and felt the most delightful feeling in my nethers. A nice warm jet of water was cleaning my unmentionable spot. After a few minutes of the air dryer on that spot, I was ready to depart the restroom, but I wasn’t really. I took in the atmosphere for a few more minutes, finally dragging myself out to force all my friends to experience this magical washroom.

I highly recommend McCarthy’s next time you want to catch a quick meal, the experience of taking a massive dump there is not to be missed.