It's been a while...

Hi everyone! My wife encouraged me to get back into Steemit to share some of my "giggle stories" and helpful tips. In case you didn't know, I'm a plumber and work for a big box retailer. I love my job because I get to help people fix things. The only problem is no one is happy about visiting the plumbing department.

WHY?

Because most of the time they're only there because something broke and they have no water.

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My wife swears that I make up a lot of my stories because... well... I'm an Irishman. I tend to embellish a little bit, but I swear this is a true story.

One night, about five minutes to closing two guys walked - or rather staggered into the plumbing department because they needed to fix a small water leak. It did not take long to determine they had zero plumbing skills. Additionally, they were clearly ossified...and they smelled bad. Like bad bad. Gag bad.

It was bad.
Great, I thought. Just what I need at the end of my shift!

With the problem they described and their skill set, I recommended the push-to-fit fittings. We call them SharkBites.

Why?

Because these fittings have little teeth that easily allow pipe to be pushed in and snags it for a quick plumb, much like shark teeth. It's one of the fastest, easiest ways to repair a line.

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Anyway...

The customer gets really close to ask how it works and I'm trying to be polite and keep some personal space between us.
So I say, "It works just like a Chinese finger trap."
From the blank look on his face I could tell he had no idea what I was talking about. Just then my phone rang and I excused myself for just a moment as he and his friend started talking.

I swear, I only turned around for a second when I see this guy trying to tug the sharkbite off his finger. His friend is laughing his ass off as this guy is tugging at it and saying "Ow. It's stuck!"

I couldn't help myself. My diplomatic filter was gone and the voice in my head spilled out of my mouth as I exclaimed:

"Are you fucking stupid?"

Really. Who does that?! It's like saying this is a good idea.

Ooh, tingly!
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His drunk buddy was laughing his ass off. "Ayuh, he is."

I immediately apologized to the man and called my manager to let him know we had a situation. Yeah... My last customer of the evening's got a 3/4 inch coupling stuck on his finger and he keeps yanking on it saying "Ow."

I felt like a parent telling his kid to stop doing that before he hurts himself further. Man, I just wanted to go home, kiss the wife, and have a cold beer!

Now all I could think about was the pile of paperwork that needed to be done so we can get this guy to the hospital and possibly get the coupling surgically removed. Then it occurs to me to try an alternative. I grabbed disconnect tongs off the shelf and by the grace of God and all that's holy, managed to get it off his finger.

He had little teeth marks all around his finger but it was off! PHEW!

My relief was palpable. "Sir," I said, "Don't ever ever do that again."

With a toothless grin, he and his buddy took what they needed and staggered to check out.
Thankfully I wasn't fired. I could have easily been escorted out the door that night. How could I explain that to my wife?

All's well.

In fact, the next day the guy called the company and thanked me for being so helpful. How's that for crazy?

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Hi, I'm Pat and I approve this message.