Sunburn

shortwait (30)in #funny • 7 years ago (edited)

Today, it’s 39C in Melbourne AND tomorrow, it’s going to be 42C!!!!!

O--M--G!!!

Why do I hate extremely hot days so much? Well, on days like this, I have a 100% chance of getting sunburnt simply by opening the curtains in our lounge room. Suffice to say, I burn as easily as an unattended piece of bread in a toaster.

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Mmmm. Burnt toast. My favourite!

Yes, I have gorgeous milky skin and wiry red hair, so that’s why the sun and I aren’t best buddies. Do I enjoy having to apply 3 whole bottles of sunscreen before I leave the house? No!!! Although, it is much cheaper to buy it in bulk.
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Always buy sunscreen as a threesome.

Everyone should wear 50+ sunscreen anyway in this day and age, but if you really want to know where to purchase SPF 70+ sunscreen (yes, it is a thing), ask a redhead!!!!!! We’ll know the closest store and even give you the GPS coordinates. We just know these things.

Over the years, I’ve born the brunt of many a ribbing and witty one-liners. Oh, those lovely leprechaun jokes on St. Patrick’s Day AND YES, I’m quite aware of my inability to hide in group photos AND NO, none of my family members were cast as Wildlings in Game of Thrones.

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Or not, as you just called me a ‘Ginger’.

When I was a kid, I became quite used to being called a ‘Ginger’ - seemingly, this is an insulting term (and still is today for some people) but it’s not really derogatory to me, as ginger has awesome medicinal properties and is quite yummy as a bit of a pick-me-up in a green smoothie.

In Australia, I’m often called ‘Bluey’. I often hear - Hey Bluey. How ya goin’ Bluey. Get out of me way Bluey you ginger haired freak-show. You know, the usual sort of thing.

Bluey is an example of that perverse reversal of language found in Aussie slang. Some examples are: bald people = curly, large people = tiny, and for one of my colleagues at work who never smiles, she’s called chuckles (she’s in management, so it’s her job to make our lives miserable - however, she’s probably having the time of her life on the inside).

There aren’t many of us gingers around. I read somewhere a few months ago that there are less than 2% of people of the auburn-haired variety in the entire world. I read that in the paper, whilst having my daily cup of tea, and I realised then that us redheads are basically unicorns.

With so few of us carrot tops around, we have indeed made a significant contribution to society. Some notable mentions are Vincent van Gogh, Chuck Norris, Helen of Troy, Princess Fiona, Mark Twain, Queen Elizabeth I, Cleopatra, Napoleon Bonaparte, Elmo, Thomas Jefferson, Antonio Vivaldi, Anne of Green Gables, Winston Churchill, Wilma Flintstone, Mark Twain and Ron Howard (the new Han Solo movie better rock Richie Cunningham or I’ll ask @LordVader to have a little chat with you!), to name but a few.

To summarise, we rangas are awesome (except when in the sun). Just ask anybody in the Wizarding world.

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We're the Weasleys! Abracadabra and StraightenThatPictureFrameous.

Anyway, back to me… yesterday, it was only a balmy 32C and my kids were taken by some of their friends to the local outdoor pool. Of course, we said to our kiddies, make sure you keep your rashies on during the day, whilst swimming and YOU MUST re-apply your sunscreen every two hours. You know where you got your beautiful pale skin from……. ha ha ha.

Well, it wasn’t ha ha ha when they arrived back at home in the late afternoon sans wearing rashies, because, you know us kiddies know best and also they weren’t cool enough to keep on during the day.

It was OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

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ARE YOU EFFING, EFFING ME!!!!!!

Quoting Will Ferrell, upon the launch of his new SPF sunscreen (‘tis true - launched in 2016) - "The sun is an evil celestial demon. It tricks us into worshiping it with its warm alluring rays and bright primary color. Don't be fooled. It wants to destroy us and is hell-bent on world domination.”

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My daughter is a blonde 12-year-old and quite fair-skinned AND my 11-year-old son has raving red hair and has the fairest skin of them all in all the land.

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Let’s just say that the sun and my family don’t get on. So today, I hid inside my house with the air-conditioner up full blast, painting the bathroom (BOOORING) and drinking quite a few cups of tea.

Tomorrow will be another inside day with all of us hiding from the sun. I’ll be painting the bathroom again (I had too many tea breaks today) and the kids will be on the couch aloe vera gelled up watching TV like……….

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Sheesh!