Aussie Lessons- Fear and Food- Co-pilot's Logs; U.S.S. Minnowprize!
There are a couple things that I have learned while being in the land of Oz. Some of them mundane, some, not so much...
Here are five that stand out in my mind the most!
Wallabies are scary.
I know, what on earth could be scary about a miniature, fuzzy kangaroo that looks like it just needs a cuddle?
In the darkness, a wallaby sounds like an ominous jackhammer thundering towards you at full steam. There is nothing scarier than an unidentified, rapid thumpthumpthuthuthuthump in the distance that comes closer. And closer. And closer. And then comes past you unseen.
Apparently "unadulterated fear" sounds like fuzzy little feet hammering down a gully. I now believe their pouches are not for babies, but for storing human flesh. Fun fact.
The fucks that I give have drastically decreased.
It seems that the Australian attitude of "take no shit" is quite infectious.
I have found that I have less of a hard time standing my ground or speaking up when I have an issue with something. It is actually very refreshing.
Don't like me? Well, good on ya! I'm not your biggest fan, either!
Yelling and I don't appreciate it? You will be very, very aware of how I feel momentarily!
All of my fucks are currently delegated.
When shit is about to hit the fan, side-step.
There is a Christopher Titus joke that goes something like "Screwed up people have been through some stuff, they have seen some shit. So when they see the shit about to hit the fan... they step to the side of the fan."
Accurate.
There are stereotypes about Aussies been tough, rough and tumble badasses. This reputation exists for a reason.
They are.
So when you see an Australian NOPE the hell out in the other direction, you would do well to velcro yourself to their buttcheeks and follow their cue. Things are about to get dicey.
Chicken pie > pot pie
I had heard of these pies. It seemed like someone was always having a pie.
As an American, I know of pot pies, which appeared very similar to Australian meat pies in appearance and construction.
But I am here to say: Fuck our pies.
Even the most mediocre pie over here is better than our best.
The flaky crust. The succulent fillings. The sauces. The gravies.
God... I am getting so fat.
Shoe checks are a constant thing.
No matter where you put your shoes, you should always shake them out. This concept was pretty foreign to me as, at home, I would only shake them if I had left them outside.
At one point, I went to lackadaisically throw my shoes (that were next to the bed) on my feet and was met with a tight grip on my arm. I turned my head to look at @sammosk and was met with a look that clearly read "WTF, are you insane?!". He kept his eyes locked with mine as he slowly took the shoe away from my toes and beat it on the ground.
And a redback fell out of it that he promptly murdered to spidery hell.
Also, shake your clothes.
So. Many. Spiders.
Much love, @sammosk and @stitchybitch <3
Always check the kettle. On my first visit to see a friend living at Bondi Beach we drank tea as us Brits do. I offered to make our third cup. I got up as the kettle boiled, put tea bags in 2 mugs, poured boiling water into the first. I emptied the kettle filling my mug with boiling water together with 2 x 2 inch Cockroaches. That could have been my third cup of cockroach tea.
Some good observations there. Life in Australia has some pros and cons. Hey but as we say... that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
This one made me feel warm inside. But wallabies are the best - possums are the ones you need to look out for. They sound like the blair witch up in there. I'm also constantly finding strange insects - I just opened up a tent I used over a week ago to find a very upset and hungry two-inch long grasshopper inside.
Great post well done thank you
Never been to Australia. As difficult as your stay might sound it still look like fun. ENJOY!!!!!!! :)
I have a deep fear of spiders or snakes turning up in my shoes. But since I live in Germany, there's nothing to actually be afraid of.
If I lived in Oz I would nope out in it hapenning for the first time.
Good on you for being able to constantly life with the possibility of deadly spiders in your shoes!
muahaha hilariously written :) thanks for the laugh
Your co-pilot logs are awesome Stitchy XD