What do you call two fat people having a chat? - A heavy discussion:]]]

They say money talks but all mine ever says is "goodbye".

How guy's propose: On one knee. How girl's propose: "I'm pregnant!"

Ah, 'Friday'... my second favorite F-word.

I named my dog "5 miles" so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Never iron a four leaf clover. You don’t want to press your luck.

I'm not saying she's fat. But if I had to name 5 of the fattest people I know. She'd be three of them.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months- I don’t like to interrupt her.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Just changed my Facebook name to ‘No one’ so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say ‘No one likes this’.

Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level, and then beat you with experience.