Take my advice, I don't use it anyway :>>>

I was trying to explain the concept of Twitter to my friend. He finally said I don't follow you

Coffee pot: $50, Coffee: $10, Coffee cup: $4, Coffee filters: $0.99, Peeing after all that coffee: Priceless........................

Elevator Fun - Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

Bumper Sticker - Parents: Be nice to your children, they choose your nursing home...

I don’t believe in spanking my kids. I find that waving the gun around accomplishes the same thing.

I am having an out of money experience.

Funny Bumper Stickers.. Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes

Girl said : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
Boy replied : Then marry me, we will the happiest couple

Some say the glass is half empty, Some say the glass is half full, I say "Are you gonna drink that?"...

What do call two birds in with love? Tweet hearts.!!!,,,,