Dude Incorporated

Many of us have that one friend that hangs in there with you through thick and thin. If you need them, they are always there for you and you never need to ask them twice. I am fortunate to have such a friend. We met as kids in school back in oh....1983ish and have been friends ever since. We are in many ways closer than brothers ever could be and have been guilty of irritating each other to death sometimes much like brothers do. Today was one of those days.

My friend and I text each other off and on during the course of each day but it tends to end up very one sided at times with me typing several sentences and my friend responding with one or two words at a time. This irritates me to no end, so today I decided to have a little fun with it. The following is basically a copy/paste of today's text conversation:

Friend- (text recommending iPhone app)

Friend-Morning Your Gayness

Me- Sorry Shithead, have Android

Me- Besides, management at the Dude has made the executive decision to no longer conversate with Shitheads due to lack of interest and creative conversation on the part of the Shitheads. This will be done to remove all hope and yearning for stimulating text dialog between the Dude Inc. And Shitheads. The Dude Inc human resources department estimates this action will result in improved overall happiness for everyone working at Dude Inc.

Friend- Dang Dude.....
I don't talk much at all,with anyone I don't know why. It's not you, It's me.

Me- Thank you for your text. The Dude will respond after he has completed everything that is more important than you are.

Friend- The Dude is being an ASSHOLE
Friend-
💩

Me- The Dude automated response system is not configured to communicate with emojis or emoticons.

Friend- (referring to my habit of eating lunch at Cracker Barrel on Fridays) Enjoy your fish,DIPSHIT

Me- Thank you for your text. The Dude will respond after he has completed everything that is more important than you are.

Friend- LMFAO!!

Friend- (sends me the following image)

Me- The Dude automated response system is not configured to communicate with images of any kind.

Me- The Dude automated response system reports that the Dude has finished everything more important than you are and is accepting brief texts for the next 26 minutes. At that time the Dude will once again be busy with things more important than you are. Thank you and have a nice day.

Friend- The Dude is being a Douche

Me- The Dude is adapting to more meaningful, short conversation.

Friend- Oh ok

Friend- I guess I better hurry then.

Friend- How was your day Cornholer?

Me- Good. Yours?

Friend- Took wife back for another follow up

Me- The Dude automated response system reports that the Dude is now doing things more important than you are. Please feel free to schedule a date for short, meaningful text conversation.

Me- The Dude automated response system reports that the Dude has finished everything more important than you are and is accepting brief texts for the next 47 minutes. At that time the Dude will once again be busy with things more important than you are. Thank you and have a nice day.

Friend- OK
Dude
Did you have your Fish today?

Me- No. Had steak sammich

Friend- You tried the new BBQ stand next to Jacks?
I heard it was really good.

Me- No

Friend- I think it's called R&R

Friend- Bbq nachos
Pork,chicken,turkey

Me- Sweet

Friend- Makes home made slaw and puts that on there.
Home made queso as well.

Me- Will try sometime

Me- The Dude automated response system reports that the Dude is now doing things more important than you are. Please feel free to schedule a date for short, meaningful text conversation.

Friend- That R&R is part of the one in ---------..

Me- Thank you for your text. The Dude will respond after he has completed everything that is more important than you are.

Friend- Ok

Me- Thank you for your text. The Dude will respond after he has completed everything that is more important than you are.

Me- Dude Inc. Is now signing off for the evening. Dude Inc. hopes you have had a wonderful day and wishes you an even better tomorrow.

Friend- NN ASSFALFA

Me- Dude Inc. is no longer on the air as sleep is deemed more important than you are. Have a pleasant evening.

Friend- OK
SAME to you

Me- Thank you for your text. The Dude will respond after he has completed everything that is more important than you are.

In reading back through the texts, I thought it was pretty funny and decided to share it with my fellow Steemians. Never pass up an opportunity to have fun with your friends even if it is in a text conversation!

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