It's A Long Story: Now Imagine How Shitty This Post Would Be If That Was All I Wrote For A Title
I Don't Have Time to Write A Long Story
Even though I've already written those words three times so far.
A good artist knows how to bullshit.
I don't normally talk about my art. I rarely produce something, slap it in the blog editor thingamajig, then yap about it for three or four paragraphs.
Besides. It's pretty damn obvious what's happening in that image above.
Why should I sit here and tell you what you already know?
You're not going to believe me anyway.
Fine, whatever, I'll try.
Point form:
- Julie was driving to work.
- She looked in the mirror.
- She remembered how hot she is.
- Decided to take a selfie for Facebook.
- Then some clown jumped out in front of the car.
- Julie hit the clown.
- It's sad because that was the clown's first day on the job.
- He was fresh out of clown college.
- Now he's flat and lives on a broken windshield.
- He didn't die though. He's just different now.
- Who would hire that for a birthday party?
- Nobody.
- Julie didn't have insurance.
- That's why she can't have nice things.
- A unnamed woman called an ambulance.
- We'll call her, Queen Elizabeth.
- She wasn't as important as she sounds.
- Just a woman with a phone.
- So anyway.
- Julie's little toy poodle ran away when the first responders opened the door.
- They found him at a bar later on that day.
- Some dude was feeding him chicken wings.
- Julie tried to sue because she insists her dog is a vegetarian.
- She ended up getting Judge Judy.
- That's another reason why Julie can't have nice things.
- The clown is now hooked on pain killers.
- The end.
That Was Easier Than I Thought It Would Be
I'm proud of me, too!
I did it! I did it! I've completed yet another post for Steemit.com!
Have a nice day! 
Especially special note: I'd just like to thank everyone for your support. My previous post shattered my personal record for incoming votes. Previous record was 260 and now that post sits at 274. As many of you know, I post my material, then just hope for the best. So, breaking that record is kind of a big deal for me. I've been plugging away here since Septemeber of 2016. I've published well over 500 posts. It's a lot of work and it makes me happy to know that so many of you out there have my back. Thank you, for everything.
The dog clearly was a vegetarian. Dog will eat/lick anything to walk past a freshly flattened cloan and not give him a lick would be unheard of.
On the other hand if the dog was an alcoholic trying to forget the pain of everyone always asking him the same question but due to his lack of vocal chords he would forever be unable to answer and tell everyone that indeed he was the good boy they'd been looking for.
I feel like I want to write a story with you. But the entire book is asides, and explanations of things with the main plot only progressing at a rate of one line per chapter. When read without the qualifiers and back stories the whole thing just ends up reading like the cat in the hat.
I was actually thinking of opening up that Bohemian Grove joke. I'm wondering if people would be able to follow the same format where it starts out bland, simple, then just takes a hard turn and gets dirtier and dirtier until even the Aristocrats joke sounds soft in comparison. Your thoughts?
The good thing is if anyone gets upset they can just stop reading and it gives some fore warning that things only go downhill.
I think it'd be fun
It would be fun but the thought of it makes me a bit nervous now.
Does my brand of combining strange art with rambling nonsensical bullshit in a humorous fashion fit in to this comedyopenmic tag thing? Not everything I do is a long drawn out joke story.
You certainly don't need to use the tag on everything. just the funny things that you think are worthy.
No, scratch that, cos you're an artist and nothing is every good enough. so instead...
You certainly don't need to use the tag on everything. just the funny things that you think I will classify as worthy.
Even if it's just one post per week, having someone of your calibre and depth be a member of the community, I think will help comedyopenmic grow as a collaborative, supportive, community, a gathering place for talented funny people and weirdos too.
I don't know if something is funny until I get a response, so it's hard to guess, hard to pick and choose.
My intention here was to do a post full of corny one liners, plus act somewhat foolish and naive. Humor has many forms. I try to use all of them. Nearly everything I do has some form of humor in it, but if I use the tag, then I'll just become the haejin of your trending page. Now maybe you can see why, early on, right off the bat, I decided I wouldn't enter and stated how this is a good opportunity for others to get some exposure.
I understand that philosophy, and I believe it along with your curation has helped grow the contest to where it is now.
We certainly don't want a trending page with 10 of your posts, I actually really enjoy how much our trending page changes from day to day.
In all honesty I'll leave the decision in your hands. Even if you put in the tag after you post, once you're satisfied it is funny. But limit it to 1 or two posts per week. Because while the contest is growing we also want to give an opportunity for the community to grow now, and involve people who aren't interested in winning an award but just participating in the fun.
Yes it will make it slightly more difficult to judge entries but it will help the community grow and help people see us as more than just a contest.
I'm pretty darn sure that it is not allowed to call just anyone Queen Elizabeth! It's got something to do with some "divine right of queens" or such. If Freddy Mercury was still alive, I would ask him for you - but as it is I'm afraid you will have to do your own research in order to remain compliant.
And compliant is King!
That's her street name. She's a prostitute. Biggest and best in all the land, according to my sources. The rest bow down to that woman. She's gangsta as fuck. You're going to have to take this up with her.
You trying to bring on the Apocalypse?
Well there's nothing else on TV...
You've outgrown the Godzilla reruns?
Godzilla only goes up to my knees now.
Yup, pretty much what I was seeing too.
I know! It's painfully obvious!
You're an excellent bullshitter and I envy your title skills.
That was some good bullshitting you did there. Kudos.
Congrats on making another post for the Steem system (not just Steemit.com).
Thank you for correcting me and providing me with the light I now see.
AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
It will all be history soon. Clowns were banned in France back in October 2014. New regulations means that lots of us will have to scrap our old jalopies, I am sure they will eventually find a way to ban chicken wings and bars! Pain killers - I recon those will be handed out like smarties.
Great pic by the way!
Well, on the bright side, at least the mafia can start selling clown services again, so that's good.
Thank you for the compliment!
This is a long comment ;p
Was it at least a zombie clown? I’ve been on a zombie killing binge as of lately. Just can’t get enough of running them over with a car, back up over them with a car, hitting them in the face with the car door, and lighting them fire. Killing a zombie with pain killers thought I’ve not done that in any game before. I think you might be onto something with that one.
I miss playing video games. My days aren't long enough.
I had to sneak and trick my way into finding the time for them again. I now get to blog about them. Might be the downfall of my health or least my sanity of having to stop and document them like some detective. But still sometimes you just got to get creative in getting the things you enjoy.
Or least I've ticked myself into having an excuse "I've not blogged in a few days I need to go game so I can" ahaha.
Videogames do have some amazing art in them. Perhaps you will find a way.
I've done two video game blog posts. This one is hilarious.
Hehe that kind of post would blow most of what is in the gaming tag out of the water. Yes, if only all family's acted like that one hehe.
I was trying the other day think out if I could do a post on funny on game glitches in State of Decay 2. That must have taken forever to get all those screens and come up with a nice plot to go with it.
I'm always digging though endless screenshots not finding that tone I thought I had that that would been perfect for this or that.
I had this zombie dry humbling the front of the car for like 10 minutes before its corpse stop rag dolling on the front and rolled off!
I raged quite on my friend after we played to like 4 in the morning. I drove our car off into the lake flipping it in the water and closing our instance of the game. He left me a message and I just acted like the game was working fine for me. Ya, I had enough of the lag, bugs, and nonsense for that day.
I might have lost a few survivors so far in my own solo play. Sadly multiplayer was just causing us to many issues for now.
Never did find enough to make a post. I'm sure there lots of funny things out there.
I got lucky in that retro game play-through. I didn't play several times, then pick and choose screenshots. It actually played out like that, then I just added my own story. More luck: Steem was worth 15 cents at the time, and I came out of there with $27 worth of 15 cent Steem. Do the math. If more people here knew to leave bots alone, power up everything, and hodl; they'd be in the same damn boat as me right now instead of bragging up the trinkets they bought back then.
I've come across a couple of blogs here or there from the past days. Insane payouts when steem must have been worth almost nothing. They cashed it out all and left. hahaha.
I'm sure that was "life changing" money for them back than. May they still be getting a use out of the plastic garbage they spent it on.
I have no clue how long I'll be able to hold. Least for 2018 I just want to build and have some cheap fun here. So many cashing out every little cent they make like its going out of style. Hard to get ahead in life if that all it ever is.
It's the age, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
Congratulation to your new record.
I wonder why this puddle decided to become vegetarian. Is this spreading to dogs now, than cats including lions 😱? I don’t want to become a vegetarian 😭.
Just keep some hotdogs in a safe, just in case. Nobody needs to know. I won't say anything. You can always dip them in vegetable dip and conceal their identity.
I don't think it was a poodle... It looks more like the Yorkshire Terrier, Shih Tzu maybe?
This is Julie we're talking about here. She got the poodles hair straightened and added a clip on hair piece dog beard thing. I'm not even making this up.
The clown now leads a wonderful life among politicians with whom he shares his percocet.
That's true! And he does humanitarian type things now as well!