I Am Sofa King Lazy Today
No post today!
Since I'm here,
I might as well say something.
I don't have time to write a post today. I've been running around, trying to get things done.
That's actually a lie. I didn't run. It was more like a meandering stumble with hints of footsteps and a dash of walk.
I was at the store and someone asked me, "Would you like a hand with that?"
I told her I didn't bring my saw.
She didn't get the joke, of course, and I didn't get a hand. I was given a dumb look instead.
She walked away, I kept her presence within the corner of my eye for safekeeping. I watched her approach a coworker. I pretended to be busy. She started talking to her coworker friend, then, she fucking pointed at me. They were talking about me.
I was expecting that though. This has happened before.
The moment she pointed was the same time I made sure to look directly at her. Just picture someone standing frozen with their mouth open along with a finger, slowly drooping, and trying to be invisible.
Didn't work!
I saw that!
I hope you enjoyed your moment of awkwardness!
I enjoy messing with people. That's one of my hobbies. I get bored.
Standing in line at the bank was fun.
I made a discovery while I was there.
If you flick the little railing apparatus they use to keep us in line and obedient, it sounds like a bell.
Every time one of the well dressed bank tellers would say, "Next," I'd flick the railing and make the noise.
Ding!
I lost count.
I'm sure there was at least twenty people in front of me. The only sounds anyone could hear in that building were people speaking quietly, conducting their business like normal people do; and me, dinging.
It gets better.
When it was finally my turn, I heard the word, "Next," and someone else made the damn ding sound.
I turned around, briefly, I had a little smirk on my face that probably made me look like a pervert, and all I could see were about twenty people acting innocent, staring at me.
I guess it's unusual to turn around and face the wrong direction when it's your turn to talk to the nice bank lady.
I heard the ding three more times before I left. Someone was messing with me. I wonder how long it went on for after I left. I feel as if I started a new trend today.
Anyway
Busy busy.
I apologize for not having a post ready for you today. Tomorrow, I'm free nearly all day so I should be able to come up with something.
Until then...
Have a nice day.
You made me smile today! And even laugh! For a brief moment, I felt hope. Hope! You know, for humanity and all. Our future. The usual. Go take the world by storm! Or just eat a banana. But I like people taking the world by storm. Or with dings! Or with humor.
Making me smile is extremely difficult by the way. When I was a teenager a "friend" of mine told me that I looked like seven funerals. So, take it as a compliment.
And take my vote: throws at you with a smile
This comment made me smile. I even laughed. It wasn't an LOL though. It was one of those internalized laughs we get when we read something but don't feel like typing LOL because it would have been a lie. It was still a laugh though. Just not out loud. Sometimes I wonder if the people who invented LOL were unfamiliar with the word 'aloud'. I suppose laugh aloud doesn't make much sense though. Anyway, I'm just rambling because it's late and I'm bored.
I see this comment of yours was your third post on Steemit. It's your lucky day, kind of. Enjoy this vote. It was the most I could give. Consider it a welcoming gift, or something.
Thank you for smiling.
I sit here with this kind of "aaaawww!" inside being a girl and all, but since that is inappropriate I will try something else. For a moment I wanted to type LOL, just because it felt right, but then I thought about what you said, and I have agreed with your LOL-thoughts for as long as I can remember. I can only count two-three (maybe five) times I have LOL-ed and only two of them were ROFLing. And even then it wasn't completely true that I ROFLed cause I still sat on my chair and bent forward cause I was laughing so hard it was hard to breathe. I have vague memories of me choosing to "fall on the floor" once from my office chair because I actually thought about the ROFL and that I so wanted to ROFL. But I did not roll on the floor. I only sat.
This was, however, not one of those times. But I DID smile and laugh a little. And I still smile, cause I really appreciate your reply. I want to be just like you. Answering honestly to every reply. Just being you. Bored. Authentic. Still bored, but answering. I just find it hard to come up with something to say to "welcome to us, please join and make money" replies as I do not want to - as Norwegians say it - "tråkke i salaten" which means "step in the salad". Which means to do something stupid, I guess?
Thank you for the vote. I will not say it made my day for I do not know what's going to happen the rest of the day but it does make the day wonderful right now and the sun suddenly shines and the snow is melting away, so maybe the term "made my day" is correct after all. I do still smile, after all. And now I've smiled so much that my cheeks hurt. But I do smile more of what you replied than the vote itself. But thank you - really.
I throw my vote at you, even though I guess I've run out of steem(?) Maybe it's better to un-vote it then and come back tomorrow with more fire-power?
Did you notice how I ended my reply with a question? Good-old blog relation-work right there.
I'd LMAO, but I'm not sure if I want to spend all that money on those butt implants just to have my ass back. I find having an intact ass is quite convenient.
In Canada, we toss the salad. Unfortunately, that has another meaning and it deals with asses as well. They ruined salad.
As for your voting power. You'll need to earn(or buy) Steem and power it up to Steem Power in order to be able to hand out more money with your votes. Your vote right now isn't worth much but it's still something. Keep in mind, it loses power each time you vote and has to recharge. We can give out about 10 100% power votes per day without draining our voting power. I can use the slider(I'm not sure if new members get a slider at the start) and give out 40 25% votes to help spread the wealth around to more people. So that's how that works. I can vote for a lot of comments at 5% power and still hand out a bit of change. You'd be better off voting for posts and acknowledging comments with words rather than votes.
Of course, the LMAO, I almost forgot that. Probably because when I was seventeen I said "I'll bet my ass that..." and then I lost the bet. (And in Norway, it means that it is a bet)
So since then, I haven't had a reason to remember it.
And that salad, let me put in an OMG after I checked and read that first meaning in urbandictionary.com!!! I sure hope I've never talked about any salad in this language ever! In fact, I think I'll never do from this day forward! Thank you for the warning. They sure ruined the salad! Please feel free to remind me if I ever talk about salad again!
Thank you for the explanation! I think I understand at least most of it. I do not see a slider, though. But that can be newbie-me as well.
You'll get a slider once you have more SP.
And you're welcome! Now you know what that means. Knowledge is power.
The origin of LOL
http://pages.cpsc.ucalgary.ca/~crwth/LOL.html
I don't know why (oh, well...), but this post reminded me of a Euro Trash 90's song from Germany.
This one.
AUHAUHAUHAUHAUAHUAHUAHAUHAUHAUHA
Wow. This is some song. It makes me feel better about my shit posts because my shit posts are still better than this song.
The best part for me, "you touch my tralala" and "ding ding dong". Where did you find this song? I haven't heard it before...made me laugh and it's kinda catchy.
I'll have my people get in touch with your people to coordinate days when you have time to post with days when I have time to read.
Thanks. I'll let my people know that your people know about my people knowing what your people know then I'll have my people get back to your people when the time is right.
My people are pretty busy lately. Please make sure that your people make an appointment sufficiently in advance such that my people will be able to fit your people in. On second thought, might it not be more efficient if you got a bot to write your material on days when you are not available, and I could get a bot to upvote them on days when I am not available. I don't really like to disturb my people too much. They are awfully busy.
Maybe I'll get a bot to bring me coffee too. I'll have to remind my people to tell their people who are in charge of making appointments to tell those people to get on it.
I'll test this new writing bot now.
Nice comment I like what you did you vote me haha friend follow follow on a Thursday I did.
Yeah, I can see how this thing could help me. I'll get my people to order four more.
We're gonna be rich, I tell you, rich!!!
Hooray! I'll finally be able to wipe my ass with paper again!
Patent leather, man, patent leather!
So much mafia style, with your clans of people!
Vote friend
Up or down?
Haha, this really made me laugh...a nice belly chuckle is the best kind cuz it gets the muscle working a little under all the flab (is it flab or flub?).
It's flerb.
Heheh, flerb it is.
ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding...I considered continuing to ding until you make a post for the day but it's soo much work! I'll go take a nap and check back tomorrow.
For some reason, an episode of Sesame Street entered my mind. Some alien things are saying, "Yup yup yup yup yup uh huh uh huh," then this other one shows up and starts hitting a bell on it's head. ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding! I totally copy/pasted your dings because I don't have time to ding any more.
I wrote 2 dings then copy-pasted to get that many. Man I'm exhausted after all those pastes! I much preferred these aliens/monsters...
Oh my!, your poor wife.
If I had a wife; she'd be rich, and I'd be poor.
perhaps you could enjoy a male order bride then?
I hear they're rather enjoyable.
A male order bride? I mean, dudes are okay, I guess, but I don't really like them like that.
You're an enigma nonames staring at society.
Come over to discord chat would be fun to chat with you. I promise im not a 19yr old nimble limber eastern European looking for a western sugga daddy
Someday, I'll go there. I'm always being invited to the place. If I go there, then I can't be here. If I'm not here, who's going to feed the cat?
nice to see your random and with funny touch written story. good work @nonameslefthouise at least a honest artist.
Vote friend
I'm not reading any posts today thank you. Or eating oats but that's a whole different subject.
I'm not eating any bananas or reading comments so I know where you're coming from.
I'm sorry, are we soulmates?? I loooove messing with people! Most of the time my jokes get laughed at though....:/...
"I didn't run. It was more like a meandering stumble with hints of footsteps and a dash of walk."
hahahaha that made me laugh out loud! The thing in the store was amusing also! "I don't have a saw". How does a person not get that!? You made my morning! Thank you!!
I know why she didn't get the joke. I worked in retail, years ago, and for a long time. You have the same conversations with people everyday, multiple times per day, for years on end. It's a unique experience for each individual customer but the employee is literally going crazy. When you throw something new into the mix, their brains go into hibernation mode. That's why I mess with them. It always turns out to be the highlight of their day, they always go find someone to talk to, I mean, not always but it's quite common. So yeah, LOL. Easy target.
Stores are fun. You can startle someone just by saying, "Hello." If you want them to think all day about something say, "Goodbye," instead of, "Hello."
Yes I imagine that would take them for a whirl. I worked at a pizza hut once and we had to answer the phone the same way every time. That got boring. A coworker and I would answer the phone in different languages. speak in different accents. That was fun bc people would ask where were from which gave us the opportunity to make up an exciting and spirited back story. And sometimes when asking for their phone number I'd say can I get yo digits? In a high voice. some would laugh others would say what? .... Fun
Yup. You get it. Pick your targets wisely though. One day I was bored, waiting for a bus, I said hello to a stranger and he started yelling at me about how much he hates the New York Yankees. That went on for twenty minutes, I could not get a word in, the bus finally arrived, he was still mad when he sat down, I sat as far away as possible. It still cured my boredom, I won't forget it, but I wanted to be the one who's messing around, not the one who's being messed with.
Dude baseball is overrated. I would have said oh dude I hate that team too
...of course he would oh yeah what team do you like? I'd say none cuz baseball is bloody boring!! Then his face would change and he'd start talking to me about how I should like it and then I could say ha nope and just dig in deeper
Actually, it turns out this was one of those guys who talks to himself. A bit loopy, but not violent. Just loud and angry at the clouds.
Oh well those are the best kind of people...sometimes
I have often considered just not making jokes anymore because of the reactions I get from people. Apparently removing the funny bone is now a popular procedure...just after birth I hear...
ps - I thoroughly enjoyed your response to the "writing self help/Steemit expert" who had paid his way to the trending page. You could out-write that kid in his sleep. (I thoroughly understand he is a grown ass man, but calling men kids kind of emphasizes the point of their lameness. Not that kids are lame....I'm going to go now. Good job!)
That's so damn true. Some of these people I come across in life are not on the ball, at all. I bet if I said something lame and played a laugh track sound effect along with it, they would laugh. It would be that, I don't really get the joke but I better laugh, kind of laugh but that's better than nothing, I guess... ?
As for that guy, well...
Initially, I thought he was a humorist. When I write humor, I go into character, it's a performance, then I step out. I don't stay there. I can be the biggest asshole I want to be, in a post, but then after, it's me talking. Sure, I'll crack some jokes after, but it's obvious I'm just messing around.
Once I realized he was not writing in character and actually believes his own bullshit, making him just a regular asshole and not a humorist, I thought someone should probably step in and point out what's truly happening. I mean, it's one thing to joke about luring unsuspecting new members into a trap, but to actually do it? And nobody is saying anything? Then he's following up in the comment section with some people who express interest? And still nobody is saying anything? And this is on the top of our trending page? Some drunken douchebag who has a tendency of rambling on about nothing? "Nobody writes like me." WTF?
You not having enough time to write this made me not want to reply to this since I feel you didn't have enough time to continue the trend you started.
Good thing it is a trend, which trends to fade away after some time. Which of course you don't have.
Love your work
No time today. None. Thanks for enjoying my stuff but unfortunately I won't be able to respond until later.
And this amazing content is what you produce when you don't have a post ready and all...
Yeah. I guess I just winged it and started talking about my day because that was more interesting than what I didn't write about.