"That Cow Licked Me on the Butt"

It's one of those stories you wouldn't believe. Yet it's true. We purchased a piece of property about three miles away from where we lived. Steve bought it for the land. Over five hundred acres of grazing and farmland. Rolling hills, long sweeping pastures, and a creek running along the edge of the road on one side of the property.
The place also had a white shack. Dirty wood floors were cracked and scuffed. The sheet rock pock marked with holes, and broken panes in too many of the windows in the four room home, and there were holes in the roof. Yes, it was like that when the previous owners lived there. Across the street sat an old blue farmhouse. The gabled roof sagged in the middle, the glass in the windows had been broken out long ago, and the porch along the front had a collapsed roof and missing floor boards.

Steve would spend afternoons after work on the farm, clearing away the scrub, planting hay and building fences. He'd already fenced one side of the property and purchased a good sized herd of cattle. Mainly steers. He was in the process of adding more fence to purchase heifers and a bull, but hadn't gotten that far along.

One night, late after supper, and quite dark, he walked into the house, saying, "Babe, we had a menage going on down at the farm last night."

My husband's words grabbed my attention. Laughing, I stood and walked into the kitchen where he took off his hat and said, "What are you talking about?"

"Mr. Pulley stopped by while I was working on the fence. He's been keeping an eye on the place. It seems we had visitors last night.
Two men and a woman."

"Two men and a woman?"

"Listen, he said, chuckling. "Mr. Pulley noticed their truck and went to check them out. He hadn't made it off the porch until her heard a scream. He said, he turned to go back in his house to get his shotgun, but just then saw a figure. He said he waited."

"Next thing he saw was clothes waving in the wind and trailing along the ground behind a naked woman."

My hand flew to my mouth to keep from laughing so loud that I'd miss the next part.

"Mr. Pulley said, then a guy came out on the porch, yelling for the woman to come back. She paid him no attention, crying and yelling, running toward the truck. Then,"
Steve's head tilted up and back and he laughed so hard, he couldn't speak. After a few minutes, his laughter died down enough he could talk, barely.
"Mr. Pulley watched as another man stepped out onto the porch. He handed his friend a pair of jeans before bending over and putting on his own. Once the two were dressed they sidled toward the truck.

"Babe, Mr. Pulley drawled, sweetly like he was mimicking her lovers," Steve said. "What happened?" As they helped her put on her clothes, she finally was calm enough to speak. Just as they opened the door to get in and drive away, she cried, "I think that cow licked me on the butt."