My Hysterical 85 Year-Old Mother

in #funny7 years ago

I took my mom to Banana Boy for lunch. They have an acai bowl that is so delicious. Afterward she asked me to take her to her Favorite Store aka Walmart. She loves Walmart as much as I hate it. I had to get some Bandaids so we agreed to meet in the "Pajama Dept" because according to my mom, "The silks at Walmart feel wonderful." Lol.
When I went to look for my favorite white haired lady, she had a tye-died bikini top in her hand. I asked her, "What are you doing with that"? She replied, "I need new bras and this one's kinda pretty." I explained it was a bikini and there's a law in our city that you can't buy a bikini if you're over 75. She said, "Oh really but how will they know?" I told her that they won't even sell it to her as I took it from her and put it back. (There isn't really a law but I was desperate here).

 We got in my car and we saw this really, really fat women wearing short shorts. My mom said, "They outta have a law against women that fat wearing those darn short shorts." We left the parking lot and were sitting at a red light. All of a sudden she yelled, "OH NO! THAT CAR IS DRIVING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!" Alarmed, I looked up to see a car sitting on a flat bed truck. Although the car was facing north, fortunately the truck was driving south.

 As if that's not enough humor, my mom looked at my dash console and said, "I know you're busy but your clock has said it's 640 in the morning for two years, you really should ask Alfredo to fix it for you." I looked at my clock and it was correct, 2:43 PM. Then I realized my radio display reads 640AM as I like to listen to talk radio. I didn't even bother to say anything because she's only got one hearing aid right now as the other one is getting fixed and I was kinda tired of yelling.
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