Hurricane Irma Deemed Racist

Mike "Da Guttah Luvah" Wallace learned about racism at a very young age. Growing up in the Opa Locka neighborhood in Miami, Florida, exposed him to situations that the most hardened US Soldier would most likely flinch in.

"I was eight years old and my mama was workin' at the Circle K down on Greenville. The manager, this old WHITE MAN, he fired her because she ain't want to come in because we was havin' a Super Bowl party that afternoon. Pshh. Racist mothafucka got what was comin' to him, we sued that bitch."

After 7 years of a grueling civil suit against Circle K, Wallace's mother recieved a settlement check for $421.06. A major victory in the war against racism or as Wallace would put it, "The war against WHITE FOLK." But there's another battle that is soon coming to his front doorstep. That battle is Hurricane Irma and she is bringing all of her anger to the coast of Florida.

"Nah man you see though? That white mothafuckah gets in office and black folk get TWO, count it TWO mothafuckin god damn hurricanes put on our ass! MOTHAFUCKIN two you WHITE MOTHAFUCKA! Look at the mothafuckin TV and these white mothafuckas all runnin and shit... nah fuck, they WALKIN off because they got places to go and they smirkin' and shit... They know us black folk ain't got nowhere to go."

According to "Guttah Luvah" Wallace, this monumental hurricane has been in the making since June 20th, 2006, when the Miami Heat beat the Dallas Mavericks in the NBA Finals.

"It's retaliatory you know what I'm sayin bitch? We beat that tall German motherfucka and then Trump was like, that's it. Let's bring the pain." Said Wallace in regards to the conspiracy.

According to the official declaration, the standing body of, "The Clan Named Boy" United States President Donald Trump manufactured this hurricane with help from the Cuban chapter of the Ku Klux Klan as a form of retribution for a 7 million dollar loss he took due to the 2006 NBA Finals Mavericks loss. The declaration goes on to explain how this hurricane has been deemed as the final solution and will hinder most "poor motherfuckas" in Miami from getting even a Boost Mobile phone in the future, which in turn will spiral them more in debt to "the white man."

We at Pause Bread reached out for a response from the White House on these claims, but our voicemail was not immediately returned.

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