Those scumbag Rebels are using fabricated transmissions in a feeble attempt to discredit me.
Greetings loyal followers.
I have a question for all of you.
What the farkle is this disgusting piece of trash?
Those scumbag Rebels simply won't give up. They continuously put their sick agenda over Imperial security. Their dedication to spreading fake news is second only to their dedication to kissing their sisters. This latest example is by far one of their worst attempts yet.
First of all, they are clearly putting words in both my and my stupid boss's mouths. Normally I would never defend the actions of my incompetent and putrid "master", but even he isn't stupid enough to say the things those scumbags claim in this phony transmission.
This is what that old sack of puss would really be saying.
Let's take a look at this disgusting fake transmission. That isn't even my freaking voice! Well at least after the 26 second mark it isn't my voice. Go ahead and listen. You can obviously tell it is me saying, "What is thy bidding my master?" How can you tell? Because it is the coolest voice you have ever heard!
I'm pretty sure that 99% of your males who heard it just said "Dang I want to be him" while 100% of your females said, "Dang I want to be with him."
Then at the 26 second mark the voice turns into this:
or perhaps this:
If I weren't so furious I might actually laugh at this pathetic attempt to discredit me.
Not only did they fail at recreating my voice, they made my stupid boss and I say some of the most ridiculous things ever. Who in their right mind would believe any of their fabrications? Within the first 40 seconds, they pretended like my boss would actually accuse me of failing.
If that old wrinkled piece of crap even dreamed about saying that to me, I would throw him down a shaft so fast that his entire skeleton would leap out of his disgusting loose fitting skin. I believe your leading medical expert, Dr. Nick Riviera, refers to this as "Bonus Eruptus".
And just to be clear, I have never or will never "fail". The only time I have ever failed is when I failed to fail. One time I was playing Sabacc with Vera. I tried to let her win... but I simply couldn't lose. Even when I try to fail I can't fail. So clearly any audio of anyone daring to say I failed is fake news.
Speaking of failing, the entire transmission is an epic fail. Look at the Emperor's lips. He clearly isn't saying any of that nonsense. Even Dennis, the Empire's IT guy, could do a better job fabricating a transmission than this.
If they were going to go to the trouble of creating this hoax, they should have at least made the Emperor say something more plausible like, "I am the stupidest man alive. I am incompetent and I have no idea what I am doing. Lord Vader has to clean up my messes 24/7. If I did't have Lord Vader the entire Empire would be lost. I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and...I like to kiss my own butt."
I have to end this transmission immediately. Even if it is fake, hearing the Emperor talk about his tool so much was nearly as traumatic as having to watch this thing eat.
Images
Oooo! Oooo! Oooo! Mr. Kotter
You're good.
He said "fail".
Hug and Kiss
I wish it had starved
Sir, I would like clarifications of what it is to fail. I believe that I once read that a human pod racer entered many races but only finished the one he had won. Would that be considered a history of failure covered up by an epic win?
No. That would be considered playing with the crowd in order to work them up into a frenzy when the greatest pod racer ever showed his true awesomeness.
star wars quantum compuyters same thing
I missed you @lordvader haha
Is Luke still getting people to fabricate messages?
I think that was a legitimate transmission from the emperor himself. In know way does it seem altered
Haha thanks for putting a smile on my face my lord
Good to see you are back in the game Lord Vader... the Sith imitators have been brining it weak lately !! (-:
Leave them to me.
You missed? Perhaps you should be one of my stormtroopers. That always miss.
Haha you nailed it there :D
Of course I did.
Of course there were no doubts you would, M'lord.
Lord Vader, your remarks make me realize the empire is in safe hands. I would inquire with Galen Eros about ventilation ducts on the Death Star. Need to keep the order.
The comments have put a smile on my face! Thank you for your dissemination of information and the related fake news.. hahaha..
I keep telling my boss to buy a cover for those ducts. He won't. He sucks.
So good to hear from you, your Lordship. Do you wish for us to seek and destroy the perpetrator or better said perpetraitor of this disgusting insult? Not that you wouldn't be able to do this yourself, but we all know you have more important issues on your mind!
It would save me from having to pay into Vera's choke jar...
Vader you Rebel Rowser You!
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Excellent! The world needs to see this.
It was our transmission. It is too late to expect us... #OpRebellion We did it for the #Lulz
OP? Ocean Pacific?
I believe they have honored me in th past.
Operation, but those are some bad ass shorts.
It is true!!! We miss you Sir!!! How deep in the Galaxy was you?
Just the tip.
Welcome Sir!!!
"...any audio of anyone daring to say I failed is fake news..."
Fake news--it's everywhere in the galaxy these days!
So I have heard.
I'm glad you cleared up this fake news M'Lord. In the future, I will wait to see what you officially say should I see/hear more impostor transmissions. Good luck in ruling the galaxy, and may all your invasions be successful!
They will be.