MEMOIRS OF A SCHOOL BUS DRIVER WTF #1

This is what I call my anti-ebola mask for when I clean the school bus. You never know what funk your going to breathe in when you're sweeping one, especially after a hot day with the Lacrosse team! I drive all over the biggest little state in the union Rhode Island. I fill in for public schools, private schools, behavioral and special needs as well.

Doing what I do takes a particular knack, loads of patience, and a big sense of humor. Also being able to maneuver a 40 foot long vehicle randomly in any particular area comes in handy. I get my assignment, head on over to whichever company needs me. Then I find out if i'm driving a full size bus or a mini. Next comes the good part- if i'll have a monitor who knows the route and stops (who may or may not actually know the stops, and who may or may not speak exactly English) or if I'm given a route map and have to rely on the combination of this probably outdated paper and the kids to get them where they need to go in a timely manner. Now keep in mind I of course am not familiar with all the roads of every town and city .

One day I was driving a run for a school that I had monitored on when I was in driver training. My boss brought the monitor out to the. He tells her the other driver's out and she'll be riding with me for the day and that I know the run. She was in her late 60's and smelled like the shriveled end of a cigarette butt. Mmmmmm. So we head out and this was a private school route so we were headed almost 30 mins south to begin our pickups. I'm just about to pass the North ramp to grab the South when the monitor jumps up and loses her damn mind! She starts screaming at the top of her lungs "who are you? Where's my bus? How'd I get here! Where are you taking me!??" She scared the crap outta me so bad that I took the North on ramp, which of course made her yell even more. Luckily for us there was an on ramp right down the road. The monitor just kept yelling that we would have to go all the way to another route and get back on the highway. I explained the ramp was right here and swung into the turn.

This probably put us about 3-5 minutes behind schedule. You wouldn't think this was a big deal unless you're the over privileged parent of a private school child. I've had parents call my boss many times when i've only been one or two minutes late to the stop. Which I think is personally pretty damn good considering I usually don't know where the hell i'm going! Anyways, The monitor is now mumbling to herself and cleaning up her coffee that she threw all over when she lost it.

We pick up the first couple of stops with no problems. The next couple are in a complex. There's a reversed half moon shaped driveway leading in, then a big sign in the middle and the reversed half moon heading out on the other side. I of course enter the "in" side of the driveway and "Granny Mclooney" jumps up and starts yelling again. She told me I went in the wrong way and that I drive slower than molasses rolling up hill, that we must be over 30 minutes late! She told me that we would have to skip the four stops on the next side road and continue on to the kids on the main road.

I've had it at this point. I pulled the bus over and told her to calm the hell down because she was freaking all the kids out. I explained that the bus can only go in the complex one way because of the contoured design of the driveway. Where of course her two cents were to inform me that things have changed since she was assigned to this bus. GRRRRRRR! I also told her we weren't skipping any kids, that there was no way we were over 10 minutes behind schedule even with that little stop to try and have her get a grip!

We pulled up to a mom and kids. I apologized for running late, she remembered me from when I was the monitor. After she congratulated me on my promotion I asked her how late we were. The monitor let out a loud "Harumph!" when she said no more than 5 minutes. LOL We finished the pick ups in almost silence. I sure didn't put in any extra effort to figure out what the hell she was muttering under her breath.

On the way back when the bus was empty I asked her about the movie store she used to own. I recognized her as the owner/operator from the days when Blockbuster was an everyday name. She was surprised I knew this information and after a few more minutes of yakking we came to find that I actually graduated high school with her youngest daughter who went on to West Point.

By the time we got back to the bus yard she was singing my praises to the boss and told him she'd drive with me any time. I of course told him she was batshit crazy and to please never have her go with me lol! SAFETY FIRST
thanx for listening and Blessed Be!