50 Tracks to a More Transcendent You!

hithikr (36)in #funny • 7 years ago (edited)

If you're anything like me, then you're a loveless, hollowed-out shell of an excuse for an empty promise. You're looking for something that resonates with you, but you find that both your own vacuous existence and the vacuum in which it is contained cannot conduct any sound.

Luckily, I have the solution to all of your problems! I present to you what is perhaps the greatest album ever created.

The album cover says it all:

Source: https://store.cdbaby.com/cd/oc13

So what are the tracks about?

Track 1 gives you a moment to think about what you are about to hear.
Tracks 2 and 3 offer a critical rebuke of the necessity of words.
Track 4 provides the necessary intermezzo to allow us to recover from our decisions in life.
Track 5 is a brilliant cover of Simon and Garfunkel's popular hit.
Track 6 is for the people who have never heard Simon and Garfunkel's original version.
Track 7 gives you a chance to reconsider your motives and the path that brought you here.
Track 8 is a beautiful interpretation of the popular Christmas song.
Tracks 9, 10, and 11 are the inevitable encores to Track 8.
Track 12 recognizes your need for more popcorn at this point.
Tracks 13 and 14 are meditations on a pair of overused clichés, while track 15 exposes their essential truth.
Tracks 16-21 form a 6-part suite that contemplates the meaning of speechlessness.
Track 22 is possibly the purest expression of what is undeniably the most popular dance phenomenon of your life.
Track 23 is a magnificent sequel to Cascada's popular 2009 hit.
Track 24 takes a moment to applaud that magnificence.
Tracks 25-29, 31-33, 35-40, 43-45, 47-48, and 50 form a huge, 20-part suite that examines the expressiveness of language.
Tracks 30, 34, 41, 42, and 49 proffer an alternative vision for the current state of affairs.
Track 46 remains a mystery.

By the end of the album, you will have reached such a state of hyperawareness of your own unawareness that you will be unaware of just how hyperaware you are. That's the transcendence part I was mentioning. And what's particularly great is that the album sounds the same, regardless of which version of yourself you have found. It permeates all the permutations of permanence and transience until transcendence is the only thing that has any meaning any more. This, my friend, is what you want!

And, as an added bonus to your metaphysical transformation, I think you'll find this album to be of unbelievable value. Whereas most albums have fewer than 20 tracks, this single album delivers more than double this number. And as we know, value is always determined by a number.

Also, since all of these tracks are roughly 30 seconds or so, they're fast tracks. Fast tracks to Transcendence. Which other album can offer that?

And have I even mentioned all of the practical uses?

✓ Meditation!
✓ Studying!
✓ Working!
✓ Not Working!
✓ Testing the fidelity of your speakers!

No, I haven't. I've only mentioned five of them. Just imagine how many more there could be!

For example, you could even give it as a gift:
Give the GIft (1).png