Description of Banks in Nigeria

U.B.A:
That bank looks like a shrine.. Everywhere is just painted Red! And the bank is very stingy, they will never employ workers. It’s only UBA you will enter & see empty cashier seats They will be up to like 2 employed, but there will be only 1 Cashier who ends up delaying customers.

GTB:
This bank has the highest number of customers! The only bank that looks very smart, well arranged & organised and you see people with suits and pen, but very rude and pompous workers. They have their wahala, but I like them shaa for their alert services!

Skye Bank:
Hian! This bank will just be looking like somebody’s bathroom. Very small bank. Dem go jampack people like sardines! Their workers no dey even wear suit again, probably because of heat… Everybody dey enter the bank with hand fan.

Diamond Bank:
Only their Lemon Green Colour can make you open 18 accounts with them even if nothing is inside. That is the only thing good about them. They have few branches in cities, their banking hall is like onitsha main market place., but their transfer protocol be like American Constitution. Simple to transfer with ATM, u go first go sign Non disclosure agreement.

Zenith bank:
This one ehn…? The only thing dem know how to do best is to decorate their walls with mirrors. You will just stay at the front and be seeing someone behind you? Sometimes if you enter the bank, you will be confused, you won’t even know which road to follow because everybody is appearing two two for the mirror. I wonder if their CEO is a Crystal palace fan. Just carry crystal glass full everywhere!

Sterling Bank:
Where do I start from, hmmm this bank looks like eatery, atimes I used to mistake it for where they are selling ice creams, ices and sharwama

Union Bank:
Chai! This bank ehn? I cannot fit yab dem because dem old pass my grandpapa!?
Sometimes, I begin to think maybe the children of Israelites have accounts with Union bank… Their security men sef na old old old papas dem be…. You go enter bank to pay na people with walking stick u go dey see.

FCMB:
They are just beautiful women, that's the only good thing about them, but those girls no dey respect Customers at all.

FIDELITY:
That one na bank for retired teacher. The only issue in customer care na about pension. U reach cashier point, one old Papa will be withdrawing #45,675, #5 naira will always appear. I wonder if no be that bank dey hold all #5 CBN prints. Infact, they are the only bank whose ATM has pension button.

FIRST BANK:
Ah ah ah, this bank can annoy somebody. Their first wahala na their door. They will just be screening u like say na jamb office. If you enter nko, queue be like Aba road hold up for Port Harcourt, infact the most annoying tin is some of their workers behaviour, somebody will just be counting #7,000 with machine and #200,000 with ordinary hand. They can screen #1000 like keke people but the good thing about them is their ATM galleries. For that one them try.

Wema Bank:
that one na fishermen and panel beaters dey go there recently.

UNITY BANK:
Make them just return their name back to BANK OF THE NORTH. Because how person go wan enter bank e go come be like say u dey enter Zaria city gate, everywhere they smell Turare (perfume) even the cashiers speak Hausa with u because u wear Agbada.

Keystone Bank:
This bank looks like they are always on strike. The banking hall looks like they only attend to one customer at a time.

Heritage Bank:
that one looks like PDP Secretariat after 2015 election. Even their flag is worn out.

Ecobank:
That one looks like NaijaBet office. Its always jam packed on Fridays only. With lots of branches and many people that speaks many African languages, especially in Lagos branch.
Sometimes, I suspect that bank has something to do with Chelsea FC

Access bank:
Na shakara dey worry them. Their account opening process be like application for Canadian visa.

Stanbic IBTC:
The bank suppose to relocate back to south Africa. Everybody dey speak through their nose seff.

CBN...
I wont say it.... Cuz I dont want EFCC to investigate me...