Congratulations to 30,000 New Geminis! Astrology for Sea Lions.

Most of us have taken a personality test at one time or another. According to the widely used Myers-Briggs scale, there are sixteen different personality types. These begin with four main areas and then delve deeper into the uniqueness of each person’s personality traits. For example, some people are very extroverted while others are more introverted. Some perceive the world around them while others judge it.

Personality tests are not perfect, but overall they get it right much of the time. Taken together, the different personality types describe the diversity in human personalities quite well. Some say they work quite well for animals also (of course they do, since we project our own personalities so heavily on our pets). And that's even before we get into pet astrology.

Source: Tarot.com

Astrology covers personality types also

Astrology is a pseudoscience that has developed over centuries. While it may have no scientific validity, the 12 signs of the western zodiac do a reasonable job describing a variety of human personality types. For example, someone born between March 21 and April 20 is categorized as an Aries (Ram). Astrology-Online, a prominent site within this field, describes some of the Aries personality traits as “Adventurous and energetic, pioneering and courageous, enthusiastic and confident…Selfish and quick-tempered, impulsive and impatient…”

Whether or not we trust in astrology (I generally don’t), we all know people in our own lives who meet this description. The Aries personality type is a born leader, someone who is courageous, pioneering, and takes risks. Where would humanity be today without people like Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, Aretha Franklin, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Colin Powell, Maya Angelou, Al Green, Elton John, Diana Ross, Lady Gaga, Pharrell Williams, and Booker T. Washington, among others? That list includes an astonishing number of creative people from the arts, for example, all of them with birthdays between March 21 and April 20.

Big Al Green

But just for a thought exercise, let’s imagine humanity WITHOUT that personality type. In fact, let’s go a few steps further and eliminate most personality types. Let’s eliminate 75% of all personality types, leaving us with just 25%, a huge blow to the mental diversity of humankind. Assuming that the main human personality types are represented in the 12 signs of the western zodiac (ignoring any rumors of a 13th sign), then that would mean eliminating nine signs.

On the astrological personality scale, we are deleting nine months from the calendar. Perhaps more accurately, we would be requiring that all babies must be born in a three month period of the year. If that were accomplished, then we would have erased 75% of all astrological personality types, leaving us with just three months of them rather than twelve.

Why would we do this? Don’t worry; I’m just trying to get you thinking like a sea lion.

Sea lions are closely related to seals, but slightly different in their behavior and physical traits. On the West Coast of North America, most California Sea Lions are born on the Channel Islands that lie offshore from Los Angeles. Every year, surrounded by sharks, this is ground zero for pupping.

Source: Wired

To ensure that their migration patterns match up with those of the opposite sex for future reproduction, ALL California Sea Lions from this part of the coast are born in a period of less than 10 weeks of the year (though some others are born further south, beginning earlier). Most are born in a two week period. And according to scientists…

…HALF of all these California Sea Lions from the Channel Islands are born on a single day.

For the sea lions born on the Channel Islands, where most of the pupping occurs, June 15 is the day most likely to be in the middle of the pupping period. Half of all sea lions are born on that one day in the middle of the pupping period.

So if there are 60,000-70,000 sea lion pups born per year, then around 30,000 of them have the same birthday, same birthplace, and same astrological sign. (In fact, many more than half probably have the same sign, since Gemini lasts for a month, not just a day.)

Here is a short video showing how sea lions live:

They’re a lot like us. Why can’t sea lions have astrology, too?

If they did, then sea lion astrologists would have a fairly easy task. It’s like working as a weatherperson in a desert region where the weather is similar most of the time (hot and dry today, hot and dry tomorrow, hot and dry next week, etc.).

In the case of these California Sea Lions, all of them are born under three signs of the western zodiac: Taurus, Gemini, and Cancer. The vast majority (perhaps nearly all) would be born under the sign of Gemini (May 22-June 21) with a smattering of Taurus and Cancer births as well.

So these sea lions have effectively eliminated nine months of the astrological calendar, using just three months, and one in particular. There is an extreme imbalance with more than half of the sea lions as Geminis (which, ironically, is the sign known for balance). The upshot, if one believes in astrology, is that most sea lions would have similar personality traits. Their profiles would fall within a very limited range of diversity, mostly just one type. And that doesn’t seem like much fun.

Source: Creative Commons via Flickr. Top: By Tony Higsett. Bottom: By M01229.

Is astrology bullshit, if it fails when applied to an animal that is about 80% identical to humans?

I’ll let you decide. But first, you need to see the forecast for these California Sea Lions.

If sea lions were tuning in to their horoscopes, most of them would be focused on the outlook for Geminis.

A quick check of Astrology.com gives us the daily horoscope for Geminis for June 16, 2017, the first full day of life for many of these pups:

If you remain calm, cool and collected right now, your performance rating will soar. You may be paying a price for your independence and uncompromising attitude. You might have joined the wrong team, but it's too late for regrets. Jump overboard at the first sign of trouble, but think fast once you start swimming. Nobody wants to be at the wheel when the ship goes down... Gemini, June 16, 2017, Astrology.com

That describes sea lions remarkably well. Performance ratings for sea lions, yes! Those are absolutely critical, no question. What future employment prospects would they have without strong performance reviews? They should focus on maximizing those opportunities now. Seize the day.

“Independent and uncompromising”? Stay off my rock, Jack. That describes every sea lion I’ve ever met. “Remain cool, calm, and collected”? My contradiction detector is beeping. It’s marvelous advice at all times, except when you’re fighting some fat bull seal over an ocean rock on which to sun yourself.

“Jump overboard at the first sign of trouble”? This thing was written for sea lions, I tell you! “Think fast once you start swimming”? Think like a mammal, swim like a fish.

Source: Creative Commons via Flickr by Don DeBold.

“Nobody wants to be at the wheel when the ship goes down”? Of course not, unless you’re the captain. But this seems awfully redundant, since they already told us to jump and swim fast. Let somebody else ignore the advice and steer for a distant star…starfish.

In conclusion, the astrological outlook for sea lions appears to be quite rosy (I mean, fishy). At last count, there were approximately 7,000 professional astrologers in the United States. Can we spare one for Sea Lions? It doesn’t pay much, but Geminis make up more than half of your clients, so the job shouldn’t be that tough. It comes with a corner-of-the-rock office and all the fish you can catch.

References

Myers-Briggs MBTI: https://www.opp.com/en/tools/MBTI/MBTI-Step-I
Selkie Legend: http://www.ancient-origins.net/myths-legends/legends-selkies-hidden-germs-sea-mythology-006409
Sea Lions: http://www.sfgate.com/science/article/Half-of-California-s-sea-lions-were-born-on-11226371.php
Sea Lions (NOAA): http://www.westcoast.fisheries.noaa.gov/protected_species/marine_mammals/sea_lion_UME.html
CA Sea Lions: http://www.iucnredlist.org/details/41666/0
Aries Famous Figures: http://soultrain.com/2013/03/27/lucky-stars-famous-aries/
Zodiac Signs: http://www.astrology-online.com/persn.htm
Zodiac Statistics: http://www.statisticbrain.com/zodiac-sign-statistics/

Source: Still image from https: //www. youtube. com/watch?v=ZB83GCgDApg (extra spaces inserted in address to prevent automatic embedding)

Top photo: Public Domain (Pixabay)