Just Because You're in the Mafia...

Doesn't mean you need to tell everyone you're in the mafia. I was at a thrift store the other day and this guy is getting like eerily close to me. He starts asking me if I want any pocket watches - like old timey pocket watches. I tell him that I have a phone because it's 2018 and that I have no need for pocket watches to tell time, although I admit they look cool. He looks me up and down, and then says..."hey, I'm in the mafia."

I was startled...I mean what a jarring admission. First off, it was hard to take him seriously. I mean if you are really in the mafia, wouldn't be like fight club - First rule of mafia, don't talk about mafia. So I just said, "cool." He then said, "take a picture of me on your phone...so you always remember what the fucking mafia looks like." I felt obligated. I mean, he was super confident and I liked his jacket.

He just kind of followed me around the store as I shopped after that. He told me not to buy anything plaid as it was sending a statement that said, "I have no money." Look, I don't know who this stranger was, but I can almost 100% tell you, he was full of shit. Plaid looks great on me.