Top 5 Travel Hacks That May Or May not Work
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I am a frequent and experienced traveler. Frequent meaning I travel to the same place via flight and experienced because I travel heavy. My convoy consists of 4 carry-on baggage, 2 of it being babies and a few large suitcases that carry everything baby related. Everything except their beds. We bring back toys, clothes, diapers, even a portable potty.
If you are looking for actual travel hacks, this may not be for you. However, if you are here to hear some bad dad jokes, you've come to the right place! Here are 5 tried and true travel hacks that may or may not work.
Look Confident & Safe Money
Confidence is key when travelling. Those airline and hotel staff can smell self doubt before you even get on a plane. Convince them that you are right. Here's a real life example that could have happened once before. I had a carry-on baggage that was overweight and had to be checked in.
The problem with checking in was that I had to pay a large sum of money. I shall carry this overweight baggage in one way or another. I waited, observed the staff. I know that the human body is incapable of staring into nothingness. The staff is bound to take out his smartphone. So I loitered and waited for my chance. The moment he took out his smartphone, I strolled in confidently before he could stop me.
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Look confident and it will save you money.
Bring A Baby
Babies are tough to travel with. But why pay extra money for business class if you are given special treatment if you bring along a baby. Some airlines offer you front seats. You know, the seats behind the wall that separates us from those in business class. Not too bad, I reckon. Plus, you get to board the plane first before all the others. Now, that's a hack!
Of course, babies do cry on the plane. They also do crawl over you and if it is a long flight, it can be a challenge. But hey, you still get served food first, don't you? No? Perhaps, this is not such a good idea after all... Moving on...
The Endurance Challenge
This is some practical advice, so listen up. There are two kinds of space on the plane. Your space and neutral space. Your seat, that's your space. The arm rest and the space where the person in front of you could invade by reclining their seats, those are neutral space.
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Like a warrior, you have to fight for those extra space. As soon as you get on the plane, place your elbows on the arm rest. I know, it gets uncomfortable after 15 minutes, but you have to fight for what is yours. Endure the pain, the space is worth more than your cramming arms.
Disclaimer: Long periods of arm inactivity causes cramps, try this method at your own risk
Don't Joke With The Police On Duty
So let's return to the ground for a while. Whatever you do, no matter how friendly you want to be, do not joke with the police on duty. Times have changed and airport security now requires passengers to take off their belt and shoes before going through the metal detector. Standard right? Except that if the passenger is tired, they may say things that are inappropriate.
Someone I know (it's not me, really) was once asked to take off his shoes, socks, belt and hoodie before passing through the scanner. For no reason, this person asked the policeman if he was enjoying seeing him strip. Thank God it only ended with a stern warning. So save the jokes for outside of the airport.
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Be Careful Of the Fine Print
Did I say 5 travel hacks? I mean 4 + 1 , you have to pay for extra hacks. Its on page 367 section C clause 47 of our terms and conditions. You did read out terms and conditions, didn't you?
Be careful of the fine print before buying any tickets. At times, the ticket prices may be extremely cheap but other things may cost you a premium to add on. This includes extra baggage, in-flight meals and entertainment.
Conclusion
With all these hacks, you are now ready to travel well and even save some cash! Of course, if you have read this far, you'll know that some of these methods can work if the stars are aligned and luck is on your side. I hope I've made your day by giving you a good laugh. Do let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
As a frequent traveler I try to get ahead without infringing. Of course, not for comedy purposes. I like to use seat guru to find a good seat. When traveling with my wife, I pick two seats together that include an aisle. Preferably on a row with three seats in the hope that someone won’t want to be in an inside seat alone. Planning in advance can pay off.
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I love how you describe the fight for the extra space in the airplane. So accurate! I travelled with my kid a lot and I agree with you that it pays off to have a baby on board. I always get better seats, enjoy better service and wait less time to use the washrooms.
As for the airport security workers, I learnt not to joke around. Once I asked them why does it take them so long to test baby formula and what could I possibly put in there that could be dangerous and I ended up staying even longer than normal.
Hahahaha, if only it was that easy, we couldn't even borrow a child to go on a kids only ride when we were at universal studios. Totally ageist, my hubby is a giant child, that has to count right.
I was in an airport barely a week ago and I saw this guy arguing with the police about D cell batteries. It escalated when he started shouting and claiming that they were infringing on his right to travel.
Short story he did not get to his plane. I have to agree not to joke or even threaten the police!
The endurance challenge I personally experienced but since it was apretty lady next to me I gave way especially when she smiled aahhaha. What can I say I am weak!
This was funny! I was not sure what to expect - but the title did give a hint of humour. The baby might be a nifty trick. About the arm rests, why fight for it? Let's share it! Let's be kind! If you need it, try to use it. Use one maybe, not two. Be reasonable and let everyone be comfortable - do not make anyone uncomfortable at your expense ;)
ah ha ha ha ha....
I pretty much gets annoyed when there's a baby on board. Not when there's hardly anyone in the plane (oh I love the Dubai to Europe weekday trips) and when there's a toddler, usually he / she will only start crying when it is descending, and that is if you are the parent you got to really have the yoda skills to calm your baby.
And as for the walk with confident? I think I have done that before when I was returning from Australia, 2 hand luggages; and one of them stuffed with 5kg of chocolate, and the other was a laptop bag.
I was pretty confident at the time.
Now I still carry 2 hand luggages; one is for my laptop, and the other is my DSLR. haha both can pretty sure it added up almost (or slightly more) than 20kg whenever I head back after my travels but I still managed to walk through.
The joking part wasn't really a joke when you see the securities with an AR 45 or M16 hanging around their shoulders. No, don't ever joke with them.
However I almost laughed out loud when an officer was checking my body for any potential weapons when there was a security exercise while I was departing home. I never experienced going into a check point where you have to hold up your arm in a scanning chamber and then step out to be checked. It was awkward as men were being stripped on the other aisle, but well, that little giggle lessen the tense people (who had to take out their belt, shoes and even their jackets) when they heard that.
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I don't envy poor families who try to travel with babies. You can almost hear a collective moan from other passengers on the plane whenever they see someone get on carrying an infant. Nobody likes listening to them fuss and cry (traveling is uncomfortable for them because of what the pressurization does to their ears ... and they don't know how to equalize it themselves).
Nobody likes dealing with toddlers clambering up and down the aisles. Nobody likes getting the back of their seat kicked by some kid. Just traveling itself is annoying enough without having to put up with somebody else's children. It's one of the costs of social living. I'm glad I don't fly any more. Kids on planes (like snakes on a plane) aren't even among my top five reasons.