Hey Losers! Consider this Your Unvitation to the Death Star!
Greetings loyal followers.
There is a great disturbance in the Force. My executive assistant Vera, who is honestly the greatest thing in the universe, has informed me that another one of your community members is spreading fake news about me. This latest example is comprised of ridiculous video "evidence" which has clearly been doctored.
@chaseit is spreading these malicious falsehoods against me in his latest transmission which you can find here. I think you should all go there and upvote it to show him that you noticed what he did. We cannot allow this treachery to be ignored!
Look at this completely despicable, dishonest and fake video..
It is just sad that any loser would believe this. It is SO FAKE!
And he ruined a perfectly good video. It is impressive, most impressive, that you actually have an inhabitant on your planet who has the ability to raise an X-Wing using the Force. That should have been the focal point of this video. Although, I do have a bone to pick with this Padawan's master.
That youngling just lifted a 12,000 pound fighter. There are tons of people and structures all around. Let her have some fun! She earned it. And what is more fun than tossing a 12,000 pound object onto a group of unsuspecting picnickers? Nothing! Nothing is more fun than that (except for perhaps watching me do it perfectly). She's got the power, let her use it! Let the hate flow through her.
Speaking of the Padawan, she has quite a bit of potential. She may very well be the greatest Force wielder your planet has ever produced. I would actually consider her the world champion of your planet. Clearly she is currently the Most Valuable Padawan of Earthia.
Why did @chaseit ruin this transmission with clearly fake footage of me? He clearly took images of me from somewhere else and superimposed me into this video. Given the fact that I am enjoying some delicious ice-cream, I imagine it is from this trip...
)
Be careful. These calories will go straight to your hips.
Sometimes my friends ask me to escort them to Earthia. Earthia has tremendous business potential. I've so many friends going to your planet, trying to get rich. I believe the video in question may have been taken during one of these business outings.
The non-linear timeline has allowed me to bond with Darth Maul. Not only can we share stories about working for the worst boss in the history of time, we also formed a support group for legless Sith Lords. Count Dooku tried to join... but screw that guy. He was only missing his hands... and head.
So clearly @chaseit used footage from the takeover of that ice-cream shop to make me look bad.
Ok. I realize I can never really "look bad". But you know what I mean. Look at that video. It appears as if I am standing there in plain view. In plain view! Yet those kids run right by me without even giving me a second look. They passed by me like I am a bum or something. That guy next to me is filming an X-Wing being raised from that lake. Seriously? I know that is pretty cool, but I am standing there in plain view! He's treating me like I'm a weak-minded or foolish old person. That is so fake!