The first of Many: The calling of Nature

The first of many   This is the classical introduction to a series of stories I have compile from a series of friends, relatives and acquaintances, they are meant to probably make you laugh although sometimes the situations can be very explicit and embarrassing for the people I’m being referred, you should know some of them are very real. You probably won´t believe until what point is fiction and what other point is real, they will be narrated in first person so they should put you into the skin of the person experiencing this misfortune. if you enjoy them please vote and I would gladly add more, and also, I have a message for you, if you enjoyed them: first I´m happy you liked the story and laughed a lot and second you should be ashamed of yourself for laughing at someone disgraced hahaha nah just kidding, well here it goes hope you enjoy. 

The calling of nature  

I was let´s say 13 when I had that age I was a very fat kid my cheeks were gigantic I was a potential heart attack walking dude. In my country there is not such thing as the word bully because in my country we solve things with our fist so if someone messes with you, you kick the guy´s, who messes with you, ass, or else you become his pet, it’s like a constant survival in a jail when it comes to the schools in my country but I didn’t have any problems. I always got into trouble and I had had to show a very mean face and insult in order to be leaven alone. This isn’t a story about a fight thought let’s not get into sad things. So, as I was saying I was very fat, and I use to eat a lot of stuff, I also have to add that English is not my mother tongue so excuse my English, and if you find an expression that doesn’t belong to your language please tell me. I was at school (let me add that I hated that fucking place) talking with friends, you know the usual stuff, I used to have and vast bad word vocabulary, I still have it but I don’t use it the way a use it back in those days, I like cursing in English thought. So, returning as I was saying I was talking with friends when the mother nature called. I had the worst stomach pain in the history of stomach pains, my legs were shacking as a paint mixing machine, I needed to go to a bathroom asap like a soldier would say, but I couldn’t tell my friend where I was going and they couldn’t know about it because in my school if you know about someone who was going to take a dump the thing was annoying that person while it was releasing the cargo by kicking the door of the cubicle the person was or by throwing water from the sink into the cubicle, I know what you are thinking what a retards well in that time it was funny, so that being said I had to dissimulate where I was going or even though disappear from their sight without being notice.  It was a hard situation but I managed to made it into the bathroom, I entered into one of the cubicles very fast and close the door I checked very quick the toilet and it was clean so I took off my pants and let it all go like the waters of the Niagara’s falls because I had unfortunately diarrhea, I felt in heaven thought those seconds where you release all you have inside of you, you feel free. I felt actual peace, you know all the politicians once in a while should try taking a shit more often to see if they can shill out a little bit and try to do something for the country, this could free their minds and make them think clearly. After noticing that was diarrhea it was awful for me and maybe for the woman who cleaned the bathrooms. I finished doing my shitty business and when I stretch my hand to take some paper I notice that there wasn’t any, I was sweating thinking << oh lord what I’m going to do now, how do I’m gonna get out of this situation>>  I didn’t have any more option but to sacrifice one of my socks, when I finished with one of them I realized that my ass wasn’t entirely clean so I had to use the other one. When I finished I thought I was out of trouble and embarrassing as I was getting out of the bathroom I got again another urge to take another one the stomach was claiming for more it didn’t have mercy on me so I was again found in a precarious situation, there was no paper I had run out of socks and I was up to the point of exploding so I went again into the bathroom. I again released the cargo and it was a lot, I thought I was a magician, I didn’t know how could I store so much trash in my system, so as I finished I had an idea that saved me, I still had one way ticket to be free from that situation so I clean myself with my under wear as I clean I got out of the bathroom and thrown the under wear in the little opened trash can where you could see the socks in a distinctive color. This time I was not going to let the mother nature to call me again. I don’t remember exactly why I re entered in the bathroom but I checked the open trash can only looking at it and it was empty, I think the cleaning woman take make socks and underwear home cleaned it and gave it to her son or nephew I don’t know, what I know is that I had a terrible smell so I went that day early to my home take a shower and tried to forget.  If you like it please share it with friends if it is not so much trouble.