ADSactly Fun - Whatever This Is
I'm not leaving him. Whatever this is...
She motioned with a limp hand and an anguished expression on her face around the table that we sat at as if weakly firing a blaster at a wave of oncoming Stormtroopers.
Umm, ok.
I offered as reassuringly as I could. To be frank I was a little baffled. A lunchtime coffee seemed to have morphed into something from a tragic 18th-century romance.
It had all started innocently enough.
I had stopped off at my favourite coffee place on the way to work. As I ordered my coffee a woman called my name.
BoomDawg, is it you?
I turned to face the lady in question.
Tracy! Well well well, this is a nice surprise!
It was a girl I had once dated, Racey Tracy. It had been quite some years ago. Fifteen I think. We had met, dated then split up all in a few short weeks. After that she had started seeing a guy I was friends with, Dondo.
As far as I knew they had hit it off big-style and moved away up North. I hadn't heard from them in years.
Yes, we are back in Glasgow. Don got a job down here.
She seemed a little tense. As if a muddy ferret was gnawing at her knee. My coffee was ready and I picked it up and turned to leave.
Righto, well that's magic. I am pleased for you both. Maybe bump into you again!
I made for the exit.
She half blocked my way.
Listen, we should grab a coffee one day? Maybe lunchtime?
Yeah cool.
I made to navigate around her. People say stuff like that all the time. I didn't really feel the need to be exchanging numbers or mail addresses or anything.
Today be ok? What's your number?
Dash it! Oh well. I gave her my number and agreed to meet later that day.
We met in a different cafe to the one we had bumped into this morning. At first, we chatted about who had married who and who had had children in the intervening years since we had seen one another.
It was all very innocent.
About half an hour in and the small talk about people we both knew was starting to dry up.
Being the polite man about town I am I thought I would enquire after her and her man.
You and Dondo then, any children?
No.
She said with a wistful air, staring out the cafe window.
We don't really want kids.
Quite right, they are a pain in the chuff.
I said.
She didn't sound like she didn't want any so I didn't bother telling her how amazing the little tykes were even at their most annoying and how a smile from your child could heal all ills and make you feel ten feet tall.
Yes, that's what we think.
She looked as sincere as a cat telling a sparrow that it just wants to be friends.
I looked at my phone for the time.
Well, it has been lovely but I suppose I should get going.
I pushed my chair out to stand.
I'm not leaving him. Whatever this is...
Umm, ok.
What the heck? Had she gone cuckoo? When I wasn't looking had she fallen off her chair and banged her head? I looked at her, she had that mad desperate look in her eye as if having done a messy number two and realised there was no toilet paper for the wiping.
She motioned at me and her.
I can't leave him. Whatever happens...
I stood up very slowly as if trying not to waken a sleeping dog.
That's nice. Well done.
He means the world to me. He doesn't deserve this.
I looked around me for a weapon as she appeared to have gone full-on bonkers.
Erm, righto. It's been lovely. Must dash. Bye.
I moved away, getting faster as I went so as to quickly get clear of throwing range.
Call me tomorrow?
She yelled at my retreating back.
Not blooming likely, I thought as I whipped my phone out and blocked her number. I got out onto the street and ran as fast as my heart-breaking legs could carry me.
What about you? Has someone ever totally misinterpreted a situation and you have had to run like the wind to escape?
Even worse has it been of a romantic nature?
Tell us your best tales in the comments. I will be there to listen!
Authored by: @meesterboom
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I like the way you thought of that and did the exact opposite. I can imagine how hard it was to do that. I wonder what was that “whatever happens” . 🤔 Oh, I think I know. Did she really...? I’m glad you ran away.
Sometimes the only sensible thing is to run! :0)
Ehmmmm... why give out number and block it later? If it was me, I'd not give out the number in the first instance. I like my answers served cold-just like my
beerwater :)When I gave it or I didn't know she would turn out to be a little ... extraordinary!!
Hindsight is always 20:20 :)
Lol!
@adsactly, is this some sort of "dumb replies contest" or something? 😨
I read through the story, and at first I couldn't tell if it was a ulog or a fiction tale, until I saw the tags at the bottom, including #writing and #story. It was
informative, er, interesting, but not something I can really relate to, personally. I've never actually had an ex, as such. My first real "girlfriend" eventually became my wife, and we've been married for going on 18 years this year.The nearest I've ever been to having someone misinterpret a situation in a romantic way is that, while I was still just getting to know the woman who became my wife, my housekeeper's teenage daughter took a shine to me. It was just teen hormones on her part, and I didn't reciprocate at all. I guess, at the time, I was working in a good job and living alone in an 8 bedroom house, so she must've thought I was loaded or something, haha.
I read this story (and my reply here) to my wife, and she mentioned that your story reminds her of Dan Fogelberg's early-80's hit song Same Auld Lang Syne.
Ha, it's just a recounting of an event that happened to the poor old author. Written in a humorous style (hopefully) the first tag is fun, I hope people take it that way
LOL @meesterboom this is the first story of yours that I have read. Hilarious!!! And yes I have a crazy story that happened to me, not quite like this but definitely brought up the memory. haha my favorite line was this "I looked at her, she had that mad desperate look in her eye as if having done a messy number two and realised there was no toilet paper for the wiping." I mean who doesn't like bathroom humor? lol :) Anyways it was cool meeting you in the adsactly discord chat earlier today.
It was cool meeting you too! Lol, my calling card is toilet humour hehe!
lol awesome! Nothing wrong with that! It is pretty hilarious! Probably because we can all relate to it. LOL haha :)
It's a real fun on ever
Hello @adsactly Sir...Little smile story...
One day the teacher in the class drowned in the water of a glass of his gold ring and asked the student. Teaching to say, this will not rust antitate? Student: Do not hold sir. Teacher: Good, Very Good. Tell me, why will not you? Student: Sir, you are a wise man. If you put rusty on the water, you would never have kept your golden ring in water.
I have no idea about what this comment is supposed to mean, but I found i really amusing;)
Hi #adsactly Sir..fun of story..One thief stole the celli while stealing - "just stolen to steal."
The owner of the house was doing the job by the poster of the thief- "Vibona, we have fallen asleep, we are all awake. The police have been informed, they are coming to the car.
Like the owner of the house owner, the inspector gave Abul Cummins, "The car is damaged, we are walking."
Fantastic work this one, kudos
This is a great informative and educative post coupled with nice graphics design
Thanks for sharing this @adsactly
The education here is quite simply superb. In particular the infographic of the dog
nice post
I created this animation some time ago, I think it sums up perfectly how people feel when someone says nice post