With Friends Like These...Who Needs Enemies?

"Escort me, escort me, na so slave trade start."

When I was much younger and quite naïve, I loved escorting people to places. My mum caught tried, but couldn't whup the aspiring escort out of me.

It went on until one day...

I had this friend who was being asked out by a much older, married man. One day, he'd just come into town and she wanted to go see him at a hotel.

"Eketi, please come escort me," she said.

I was uncomfortable. I mean, he was married, we were going to a hotel to see him and being a Sunday, I was supposed to be in church.

But seeing as my name was Eketi Escort Ette, of the kingdom of Escortia, First of her kind and Mumu of her clan, I ignored my misgivings.

"Sure. At least it will end my boredom," I said.

So, off we went.

When we got there, the man cheerfully welcomed us and ordered food and drinks. He was much older than I'd expected; he looked like he was about to enter his 7th decade on earth.

I became uneasy. Eketi, you shouldn't be here, I thought. What would your friends and parents say if they saw you now?

But I couldn't just leave like. So I perched at the edge of a chair while they talked. Barely ten minutes after our arrival, my friend's phone rang.

She answered it.

"Hello? Yes? I'm coming right way. Just wait for me."

She hung up, turned to the man and said "Sweetie, I need to run home and see someone. Just give me thirty minutes. I'll be back soon."

"Ok, my baby," he said with a grin. "My driver will take you there and bring you back. You can even bring the person along, if you wish."

As soon as I heard we were leaving, I heaved a sigh of relief, picked up my purse and...

"Where are you going?" my friend asked with a puzzled expression.

"I'm coming with y....."

"No. Stay here with Chief. I won't be long. Since his driver is taking me to and fro, it means I won't waste time looking for a cab. I'll be right back."

Those days, I was 99.99999% a people's pleaser and didn't want to offend my friend.

"Just hurry back," I said, scowling as she left.

Chief was busy with some documents. I, occupied myself with watching the news on CNN. A bit of time had passed, when Chief spoke.

"What's that your name again?" he asked.

"Eketi, sir."

"Please get me a beer from the fridge."

"OK, sir."

I got the beer, opened it, set it on his table and went back to my seat.

I was almost nodding off, when someone stepped in front of it.

Startled, I looked up.

And nearly died right there.

It was Chief, naked from the waist down, holding his penis and grinning at me.

My mouth went dry. Jaw slackened. Eyes threatened to fall out on the floor. Time slowed to very, very, tiny pixel by pixel moments.

"Baby, do you like it?" he said, wiggling that....that...old thing from side to side.

"Will this be enough for you?"

Honest, I didn't mean to stare, but was too flabbergasted to take my eyes off it.

Taking my silence to mean acquiescence, he down beside me, ...put his hand under my chin and turned my face toward his, trailed the hand down my throat, inside my bra and....

Kpaaa!

I instinctively slapped him. Hard. He pulled out his hand, settled it on his cheek and stared at me, astonished.

I spoke in a flurry of words, in my mother tongue. Mind you, Chief was from a different part of the country.

"Sir, mbok, kpuno idi afe. Bi mbad ubak afe nnyim itighe nim. Ideke se nkedi for aduro. Ku try try ndiseme ntekiang. Mbok, kpuno idi afe."

Translation: "Sir, respect yourself, I beg you. This isn't what I came for. Keep your dirty hands to yourself and just don't try any nonsense. Just respect yourself.

Mind you, I didn't say this with authority o, but in a shocked, pleading voice, and accompanying tears.

Because, seriously, even if I'd screamed, no one would've come to my rescue. Chief was an Honourable member of a house or flat - I dunno which- and his boys were outside.

Yes, I was stupid. Very stupid. But my guardian was watching over me, because to my consternation, Chief suddenly burst into this loud, tears-streaming-down-his-cheeks kind of laughter.

"Ah! It's been long since I met a learner like you. Abeg abeg, abeg! I don't like virgin drama. Let me leave you o, before you start crying like a baby."

And just like that, he got up and went back to his documents.

I sat there, shivering like a flag in the wind. When my friend returned a few minutes later, I couldn't wait to get out of there.

That was how I, Eketi,

...Chief #Escort

Follow Follow Somebody

Escorter of They who lack Escorts

Onye Obodo Escortia...

The Last Escort Bender.

...that's how my escorting career ended, and I parted ways with that girl.

Years later, I ran into a mutual friend of ours. I asked about that my friend.
"She's a big madam now o. At least her pimping paid off."

"Her what?" I screamed.

"She was a pimp nah. I heard she even try to pimp you one time but you fell her hand."

See my life!

I was lucky; this story could've differently, very badly.

But I learned two valuable lessons:

-That some people aren't worth the 'friend' tag. And that carelessness and stupidity aren't virtues; don't cultivate them.

Las las, to escort person no be career.